Predictions for 2011

Well, 2010 is coming to a close and it's time to start thinking about 2011. Through exhaustive research and intuition I've compiled a list of things that I think will happen in 2011. We'll see how well I did when 2012 gets here.

#1 - There will most likely be an assassination attempt on a US politician. Nobody super important; probably somebody very few people have ever heard of.

#2 - There's trouble brewing in the Middle East. (Isn't there always?) I think this year's going to be much worse than usual though. I would guess that a few governments might even get toppled. It seems like Egypt will probably be at the heart of all the problems.

#3 - Gas prices will increase (I'm really going out on a limb on this one). I don't think they'll get as high as they did a few years back, but they'll be pretty high most of the year.

#4 - It's been a few years since we had a good tsunami. As much as I hate to see it happen, there will most likely be a major tsunami in the Pacific Ocean this year. Probably on the Asia side of the Pacific. I don't think California's quite ready for the big one yet.

#5 - We've had some quiet years for hurricanes and tornadoes. We're probably still okay hurricane-wise for a year or two, but it's pretty likely there will be a lot of tornado activity in the southern US states this year.

#6 - President Obama will probably finally give into pressure and release a birth certificate. It still won't put the argument to rest, though, and he won't release any other information that people have been requesting for years.

#7 - Prince William will finally marry that Middleton chick, but someone else will try to upstage her.

#8 - The laziest Americans seem to be getting lazier and lazier. In 2011 I think that a large group of them will finally give up and just hang out in parks and on the sidewalks claiming to be protesting some injustice, but they'll really just be hoping for handouts.

#9 - I think this will be the year that we finally take out Osama bin Laden. He'll probably be found in Pakistan because that's the only place we haven't looked yet.

#10 - Christmas season shopping will pick up pretty good in 2011, but nobody will dare call it Christmas shopping. It's 'holiday' shopping.

Well, we'll see how I did in about 14 months. I may not write again before then, but I'll try. It's tough to come up with ideas about things to write about. Maybe I'll try this prediction stuff again, though, unless I'm totally wrong on all of these.

I Have BDS

What does BDS stand for? A quick internet search will give a variety of answers from Broadcast Data Systems to Bush Derangement Syndrome, to Battlefield Distributed Simulations and Bone Density Scanners. I really only care about one type of BDS: Butter Delivery Systems.

What is a Butter Delivery System, you ask? It's a type of edible product that exists primarily to provide a socially-acceptable method of eating butter.

Toast (B:F = 1:12)

The most common BDS to most Americans is toast. Toast doesn't have a very high B:F Ratio though (B:F = Butter to Food), and is therefore one of the least efficient BDSs. The problem is that the toast is only able to hold a limited amount of butter without becoming soggy, and soggy toast, no matter how much butter is involved, is just not worth eating. . Chilled butter lasts longer on the toast before soggying the bread, but too much chilled butter prevents the butter from melting fully (the toast only has so much residual heat from the toaster) and pockets of unmelted butter on toast just detracts from the enjoyment of ingesting the butter.

Dinner Rolls (B:F = 1:10):

Perhaps the next most common BDS is the common dinner roll. Dinner rolls generally begin their existence with a coating of butter on top already, giving them a leg up on toast. (Yes, butter-top bread also has butter on top, but there's much less surface area on the top of a slice of bread than on a roll). Dinner rolls can also be split down the middle to double the surface area that contains the butter, thus increasing their B:F ratio. One other advantage to the roll is its ability to be reclosed after being buttered so that the butter doesn't leak out (if you're serious about getting your daily RBI (recommended butter intake) you can pinch the edges to make what's known in butter circles as the "dinner roll butter balloon".

Corn (B:F = 1:8-1:4):

Corn in any form seems to be a popular BDS. Cornbread is just begging for a heap of butter, and cornbread eaters are very sympathetic to their plight. Cornbread can have a B:F anywhere between 1:8 and 1:4 for maximum BDS enjoyment, depending on how old the bread is and how thick the bread is.

Popcorn is a popular BDS among movie-goers and those who like to torture their co-workers. Popcorn may have the widest range of acceptable B:F ratios. It can range anywhere between 1:10 (if my wife makes it) to 1:4 if I make it. In fact, if made properly, popcorn can increase in B:F as you near the bottom of the bowl, even approaching a 1:1 ratio. It's just too bad that all the bad popcorn kernels hang out on the bottom and soak up butter that could be better utilized in more palatable BDSs.

Corn on the Cob is a great BDS with a B:F ratio of 1:4-1:2, if only the amount of edible corn is included in the calculation (with deductions for how much remains in your teeth and is later removed with floss). Corn on the cob would achieve an even higher B:F if gravity were not involved. As the corn heats the butter the butter drips off the bottom of the corn, which results in having to constantly rotate the corn to keep the B:F at desired levels. In Earth's orbit it's possible that corn on the cob is the most efficient of BDSs.

Baked Potato (B:F = 1:1)

Here on Earth it can hardly be contested that the baked potato is the most efficient BDS, with a B:F ratio of 1:1. For a regular-sized potato you'll need a full square of butter to make it taste good enough to actually eat it.

The baked potato has some very unique characteristics making it such an effective BDS. First, baked potatoes are extremely dry and even anti-butterites would be tempted to add butter to their potato. Second, the baked potato skin makes a butter-tight pouch that holds in any excess butter until it can be absorbed by the potato. Third, the guts of a potato can be removed from the skin and added back in slowly to aid in total butter saturation.

The added benefit to the baked potato as a BDS is that you can also get your daily allowance of cheese and bacon.

A Hare Faster?

I know what they're trying to say, but who ended up winning that race?

Ban Anagrams

Just kidding. I don't want to ban anagrams, but I'd like to see a "Bananagram". You know, a message written on a banana or something.

It turns out that "ban anagrams" is an anagram of "bananagrams". A really weak one, yeah, but still an anagram, and that is what I want to talk about today: Anagrams (not bananagrams).

A few weeks back I got wondering if there were anagrams for my name. That led to looking up other names, anything that came to mind. Having just read the news, a lot of names came from the headlines. Here's a summary of what I found:

Daniel A Palmer = A Plain Emerald, A Remedial Plan, A Marlin Leaped

Senator Harry Reid = Ornate Hairdryers

Kate Gosselin = Lankiest Egos, Seeking Altos, Got Leakiness, or my favorite: Goat Likeness

Nancy Pelosi = Soy Pinnacle, Clips Anyone, Nosy Pelican, and Epic As Nylon

Joe Biden = I Need Job

Sarah Palin = A Sharp Nail

Governor Sarah Palin = Agrarian Shovel Porn, Granola Vapor Shiner

Vegetarian = Irate Vegan, Ate Vinegar, I Avenge Art, and Eat in Grave

British Petroleum = Oh, Trump Liberties, Trout Belie Shrimp

Rocky Mountain Power = Outworn Porky Iceman, Know Your Importance, Manpower Unity Crook, I Am No Rocky Power Nut

President Obama = Impersonate Bad, A Baptism Redone, Entombs a Diaper, Arabised Top Men, Pie Store Badman, Men Abroad Spite, Morbid Satan Pee, and my favorite: A Dope Tribesman

It's a Mystery

So it's been a really long time since I posted anything. There has been a lot going on lately, but very little of it has been "blog-worthy". This may not be, either, but I'm okay with that.

One of the many projects I've been working on the last few weeks is a way to encrypt text (or any data, really) inside a computer image. I got the idea from news coverage of those Russian spies, and figured if a bunch of Russian spies could figure out how to do it, I could too. It turns out I was right.

The following two images look the same. The only difference is that one of them contains the entire text of "The Hound of the Baskervilles" encrypted inside it. If you were to load the image into my encryption application it would pull out all 326,000 characters and allow you to read the book.

Amazingly, the text takes up no space in the image, nor does it change the appearance in any appreciable way. If you zoom in on each image and go from one to the next, you'll see tiny changes in a few of the pixels, but you can't tell the difference in the pictures at their normal resolution.

Anyway, I'm excited about it, and I'm looking for ways to use it in a productive manner. There are probably only 2 or 3 people reading this that understand what I've done, and maybe only one of those that cares, but at least it's a new post, right?

Mozzarella di Bufala

I could just dive into that and swim around a bit. With my mouth open, of course.

Who You Gonna Call?

How Did We Survive

How did we ever survive before Infomercial products came into our lives?

What's your favorite Infomercial?

Monday Afternoon Humor

Yes, I have a sick sense of humor. Some people like it, some people don't. Some people have made posters that match it perfectly. Here are some examples from www.despair.com:

The Juice is Loose

Am I 16 years too slow putting the pieces together, or has nobody else realized that Starburst stopped using their "The Juice is Loose" slogan during the OJ Simpson trial? It's amazing where your mind will wander if you let it.