Desultory Commentary

Before you read this post, read the last post (the one on Letterboxing). Not because it will help you to understand this post (because it's not related in any way), but of the two of them, that's the more important. This is just a collection of weird stuff that's been going through my head.

This isn't a great picture, but it's the best my phone could do given the poor lighting in the Macaroni Grill restaurant a couple weeks ago (yes, I know they keep it that dark on purpose (the purpose being so that the food looks better)). Anyway, I got noticing the names of the crayon colors.

I've always been fascinated by colors; I think everything should be color-coded. It's amazing how much power there is in color. Just a small change in the color of an advertisement, for instance, can greatly impact its effectiveness. In association with that fascination, I enjoy knowing what colors are called (or at least what people would call the colors), so I was surprised? pleased? excited? (do any of those fit?) to see the color names on the crayons at the Macaroni Grill:

If you can't read them, and I don't blame you, they are:

• (okay, so I can't read it, either)


• Bleu Cheese


• Roasted Red Pepper


• Eggplant

Anyway, I thought it was ... clever ... to have food-related names of the crayons. And, to answer the question on everyone's mind: No, they don't taste like what they're named.

Next point: I keep hearing all over the place, especially on TV, about a guy named Stanley Cup. That's an unfortunate name. I wonder what he's famous for.

Is it my imagination, or can the word "thong" be uttered without engendering snickers? Growing up, it was what people wore on their feet at the beach. And, according to Wiktionary, that's still an appropriate use.

But more and more, its use as a sandal synonym is dwindling, and the occasional accidental utterance draws everything from snickers to guffaws. For this reason, I was surprised to see the word used on a shoe box at a shoe store last week.

Of course I snickered when I saw it, knowing I was in a shoe store and that it was obviously referring to shoes. But then I thought, "Well, maybe not", and just to be sure, I peeked in the box. Sorry to disappoint you, but it was sandals.

Mozzarella is good, isn't it? If you haven't tried the fresh stuff, you should.

And finally, does anyone remember the Transformers? I mean the real Transformers, not these new hybrid transformers they have out now. The ones with Optimus Prime and that other guy. And those bad guys they'd fight. And the encouraging messages at the end of the show to eat your asparagus and all that. They were really cool. In fact, to this day, I can still remember all of the transformer toys I had growing up. Yes, that's sad.

I was just kidding about that being my last thought. Here's my real last thought: Who wouldn't want to be part of a life-sized Mousetrap game?

Letterboxing

Letterboxing, I've found out, doesn't have anything to do with envelopes slugging it out in a ring. It's not even related to the They Might Be Giants song (lyrics found here). Nor is it the practice of transferring widescreen film to video formats while preserving the film's original aspect ratio (actually, it is, but I'm talking about something else).

I might as well give you the definition from the web site itself: "Letterboxing is an intriguing pastime combining navigational skills and rubber stamp artistry in a charming treasure hunt style outdoor quest."

On our recent trip to Colorado (view pictures and synopsis at Annie's site here) we were introduced to letterboxing on Memorial Day by Annie's sister, Liz.

I'll freely admit that I had my doubts. It seemed like a lot of trouble, kind of girly, and I really didn't think we'd successfully find anything. I was wrong on two of those. It wasn't much trouble at all; the clues pretty much led us right where we needed to go, and were usually pretty close to the road. And, as a result, we found all but one of the 5 we looked for. (Okay, so it wasn't really girly, either, but sure seemed that way at first).

It's an interesting hobby; it's sort of like Geocaching, Stamp Collecting, "Penpal"ing, and treasure hunting. On the website (there are two, actually, Letterboxing.org and AtlasQuest.com) there are clues, some easier to follow than others. Some tell you exactly what to do and where to go, while others take a bit of guessing, deductive reasoning, and trial and error.

So, first, you read the clue, then you drive to where it tells you to begin (although, sometimes you have to figure that out, too), then follow the directions to the "letterbox". When you find it, you stamp YOUR rubber stamp (did I mention you need to bring a stamp?) in the little book there and write a short message, then stamp your book with THEIR stamp (the one in the letterbox) and write where it was and the date. Then seal it back up, hide it, and go to the next one.

It's pretty simple, and really pretty fun. It really is like finding a buried treasure (especially for the kids). And the amazing thing is that they're not just in exotic places, or vacation places, or special places. They can be anywhere! Do a search on one of those sites and see how many are within 25 miles of where you live. You'll be amazed!

The thing I really like about this is it's something you can do in any free time, or while heading out on vacation, or while on vacation, or whatever. And it doesn't cost much. Maybe about $5 to begin (for a stamp and a notebook (and an inkpad is handy)). There aren't membership fees or expensive equipment to buy. Between the time we decided to do it and the time we actually did was less than an hour (and in Annie's family, that's QUICK!)

Anyway, we all thought it was fun and wanted to share the fun with everyone else. Check out the websites linked above, and go out and have some fun.

Two Meat Lasagna

Well, I finally had an opportunity to make a pan of lasagna, and decided to go all out. I even made the pasta noodles from scratch, and it was well worth the effort.

What you'll need for the sauce:

• 2 Tbsp Extra Virgin Olive Oil
• 3 Cloves of Garlic
• 2 Meats (or, if you want to make a one-meat lasagna, just use one meat). I used some ground Italian Sausage and some Prosciutto (an Italian cured ham) but you can use whatever you choose. The Italian Sausage goes a long way toward flavoring the sauce.
• A pepper or two--Red, orange, or yellow. No green peppers!!! They're not the same thing and will make your sauce bitter. My favorite combination is a red and a yellow.
• Salt, Pepper, Vegetable Boullion, Parsley, Basil, Oregano, Rosemary, Crushed Red Pepper.
• 60 Ounces of Tomato Sauce (4 small cans, or 2 big cans).

What you'll need for the Besciamella (Besh-uh-mel-uh, sort of):

• 4 Tbsp Butter
• 3 Tbsp Flour
• 2 Cups Milk (or however much looks good. I've never measured it.)

What else you'll need:

• A box of lasagna noodles, uncooked.
• Or, if you're adventurous, a few eggs, a lot of flour, and a pasta maker.
• Fresh Mozzarella, if available. Costco is a great place to get it. It's in the deli area. It's a bit pricey, but well worth it. If you really must, use regular mozzarella. No Ricotta! And, please, no Cottage Cheese!!!

I like to start by preparing my ingredients (and, just for fun, putting them into those small, clear cups like on the TV shows so you can throw the stuff into the mix really fast). Chop the meat up good (you want it as small as possible to fit between the layers of noodles).

Slice up the peppers. I like to cut off the top, quarter them, then rinse them off, getting all the seeds out of them. Then slice each quarter lengthwise and dice them up. Put them in a small, clear bowl so you can throw them in quick!
Heat the olive oil and brown the garlic (peel it first!), then add the first meat (add whichever needs to be cooked more. If you're using prosciutto, put it in very last, even after the vegetables). Season the meat with the salt, pepper, crushed red pepper, and boullion.
Add the peppers just before the meat's fully cooked and season with the basil (get some on all the meat), parsley (the same), oregano (around 1/2 teaspoon), and a bit of rosemary. If using Prosciutto, add it just as the peppers are getting soft and the other meat's done.

Cook everything together for a bit, add some wine if you'd like (I used a white wine), cook off the alcohol, then add all the tomato sauce. Let it simmer for an hour or so. Of course, the longer the better.

If you choose to make your own noodles, follow the directions on your pasta maker. I just fumbled my way through it and am not in a position to give advice. It starts out looking like this, though:
When the sauce has cooked for 45 minutes or so, start making the Besciamella. Melt the butter in a large saucepan, then add the flour and stir it in well. Then add the milk and stir it continuously until it sets up. You don't want it to be runny, but you don't want it to be solid either. When it's looking good, take it from the heat and set it aside.
Slice the mozzarella thin and get it ready to add to the assembled lasagna (maybe by putting it in a small, clear bowl).

Make alternating layers of Sauce and Besciamella in between layers of noodles. If possible, alternate the direction of the noodles with each layer. Do NOT precook the noodles. Put them in hard and let the sauce cook them (so they're more flavorful). Put the mozzarella on the layers with the sauce. Make sure to leave enough sauce to cover the top.

Keep layering it up until you run out of stuff, then cover the top with either Parmesan or Pecorino Romano cheese (the freshly grated stuff is the best). Then cover it with tin foil and bake it at 375 degrees for about an hour.

It's certainly not a meal for every day, but for special occasions there's not much better. A 9x13 pan should feed 6 hungry people. Probably 8 people if you have something to eat with it, like a salad and some bread. Let me know if you're brave enough to try it. Enjoy!

Dewd

Two of my favorite things: Diet Mountain Dew and Yo-yos. Who would have guessed they'd have so much in common?

Last night as I was making pasta (no, really, making the pasta itself) I knocked my glass of mountain dew off the table while trying to split the pasta dough (which, in Italian is called "pasto", oddly enough) in half. It really stunk (not the Dew, just the situation).

That's the first time I've spilled my drink in many years, and at first I wasn't really sure what to do. It was a LOT of Dew, plus a lot of ice. It was almost a full can.

Of course, my first instinct was to lick it up off the floor, but then I looked at the floor and even my desire for that juicy sweet goodness couldn't overcome my revulsion at licking the floor. So I grabbed the paper towels, but then thought about how "un-green" that is, and I had an image in my head of Al Gore strapping me to a chair and talking to me for hours (as punishment).

I ended up using a sponge to sop it up and rang it out in the garbage can. Not my finest hour, but I was desperate. But, later that night when Annie got home and I was sitting at the table trying to pretend that the drink had never spilled, I noticed that my feet weren't sticking to the floor, even though I hadn't rinsed the floor (spilling a non-diet drink would have left a huge sticky mess for weeks, no matter how well I'd cleaned up).

Yes, that's correct. The Diet Dew cleaned up really easily without leaving a trace of stickiness anywhere.

Where is this story going, you ask? Although it's good enough to stand on its own, I told you that story to tell you this one:

Okay, it's not a story, but that's a great line. And so is this: Wouldn't it be nice if we could "Diet Sweat" instead of Regular Sweat? You know, we'd work all day out in the sun and sweat all day long, but it would just be water and aspartame or something. Or fake salt, whatever that stuff is. That way we wouldn't have sweat residue all over us the rest of the day. Yep, Diet Sweat. How about it, science?

Oh, speaking of pasta (this is the real reason for telling that story and that great line...or is it?), I cooked up some lasagna last night (that's what the fresh pasta was for). Hopefully in the next couple days I'll be able to post the recipe (along with mouth-watering pictures). Stay tuned!

Pretension

Last week my Assistant Division Director asked me if I would attend the managers' meeting this morning to take notes for the people in my section, because my manager is retiring soon and refuses to go to the meeting. So I got all dressed up (well, okay, so I just put on a tie), and went down to the meeting, even though the whole thing didn't quite add up in my mind.

Seriously--my supervisor usually attends the meeting. There would be no sense in both of us being there, would there? And why choose me? I have the least seniority of anyone in the section. I'm not even licensed to do my job yet (but will be soon). So, anyway, I was pretty perplexed (I tried to find another 'P' word to add there, but couldn't find one).

So, to make a long story short, and that short story even shorter, it was a fake managers' meeting. Well, I guess it was technically a managers' meeting, but only in the sense that there were many managers meeting together (see, I got three 'M' words. 'P' words are just harder).

It was an "Employee of the Year" recognition meeting, and I was the employee of the year for my division (there are about 50 of us). They made me stand up in front of everyone and gave me a letter and a "Payday" candybar. It was pretty embarassing, but good to know that I'm appreciated.

I'm not a really good self-horn-tooter (that's fun to say, though), but it was really nice to be recognized for the contribution I make. And, even more important to me, it's nice to be in a position where I can make a meaningful contribution.

Pasta e Fagioli

Pasta e Fagioli, or Pasta with Beans, is a pretty common dish in Napoli, from what I understood. (Since it was my first area, I'm not completely sure I understood everything I thought I did). And, really, it's simple to make and tastes pretty good. There are also many different ways to make it, so the possibilities are endless.

To make it, you'll need the following (or similar things):

• Pasta (any kind is fine, except long pastas (spaghetti, fettucine, etc), but I prefer either the Rigatoni or the Mezzi (half) Rigatoni. Farfalle would work, but mentally I can't bring myself to use them in this).
• Fagioli (beans, and lots of them. Well, not really; just a can or two. Here's where you can get creative. I prefer to use White Beans (no, I'm not a bean racist), and will sometimes throw in some Garbanzo Beans. From the various recipes I've seen on the internet, any type of bean can be used).
• Some Meat (some italian sausage really is the best here. I can't imagine making it with anything else).
• Olive Oil (Extra Virgin), 1-2 Tbls
• Garlic
• Tomato Sauce, 1 can (or use diced or crushed tomatoes. Maybe they'd be good in this.)
• Salt, Pepper, Basil, Parsley, Crushed Red Pepper, Vegetable Boullion, Oregano.

Start by browning the garlic in the olive oil (be sure to peel it first), then add the meat. As mentioned above, Italian Sausage really will be the best, here. There's not much else going into the meal, so you need some good flavor from the meat.

As the meat starts to cook, season it with the salt, pepper, crushed red pepper, and vegetable boullion. Since you'll be cooking the pasta in with the sauce, you'll need to add a bit more salt than you normally would. Not a lot more, but enough that it just starts to taste a bit salty.

Just before it's fully cooked, add the parsley (get some on each piece of meat), basil (a tiny bit less than the parsley), and oregano (a little more than in my usual recipes, but you still just want to use the sprinkle side of the shaker, not the spoon side).

Add the beans to the meat. If you're using an assortment of beans, you may need to put them in at different times. Garbanzo beans need about 5-10 minutes more cooking than the white beans. It's probably better to stick to one kind of bean until you're more familiar with how the beans cook.

Let the beans simmer with the meat for at least 10 minutes. I like to smash some of the beans, too. Mostly because I get bored, but also because it adds more body to the finished product.

After the beans have cooked a bit, add in the can of tomato sauce (or crushed or diced tomatoes).

Let the mixture cook for awhile. The longer you can cook it, the more flavorful it will be in the end. While it's cooking, you can start boiling a separate pot of water. Do NOT salt that water! You'll be adding the water into the sauce, and cooking the pasta in the sauce. You should have salted the meat a bit more than usual, and the sauce should taste just a little bit salty so it can transfer into the unsalted pasta.

Pour the pasta into the sauce, then pour in some of the water from the other pan. You want the water level to be just below the tops of the pasta. It's tough, without practice, to get the water level right. Just remember that you can always add more water, but you can't add more pasta. There should be some pasta sticking out of the water, but each piece should be mostly underwater.

Keep the separate pot of water boiling while you boil the sauce, just in case you need to add more.

Most of the water should boil out just about the time the pasta's cooked. You want to leave it a little moist, but not runny (even though there are variations where you can add a bunch of vegetables, too, and make it more runny like a soup).

Grate some cheese over the top of it and serve it. It'll feed more people than the same amount of pasta normally would because the beans make it a bit heavier. It's a great winter meal (so I don't know why I waited 'til now to post it), but adding vegetables and leaving it runny would be a good variation for the summer.
Enjoy.

I've been sitting on this picture for awhile, pondering it. And the more I ponder it, the less sense it makes to me. The blood drive part of it is fine; I'm all for blood drives (even though the Red Cross refused to take my blood for a few years). There's nothing offensive about it. It doesn't use vulgar language. But something just doesn't seem quite right.

The problem is the picture of that woman. What does she have to do with blood donation? Is she a donor? A recipient? A nurse? It doesn't say.

This poster turned up in the elevators at work a couple weeks ago, advertising our blood drive that's coming up soon. So, thinking it was produced in-house, I gave it a pass. Of course they're just going to use whatever picture they have available--it could even be someone in the building who agreed to pose for a picture so they'd have a picture on there.

But then I saw the same poster (with some of the information changed) at the hospital. Same woman.

So, convinced that it's not someone I work with, I can critique the poster.

I'm not saying she's not a nice person, or that she's inherently evil, or that there are evil designs in using her image in the advertisement, but why is she there?

Sure, advertisers have used pictures of pretty women to advertise their products for a long time, but she's not exceptionally pretty. Pretty ordinary-looking, really. Certainly not ugly, but nobody you'd even look at twice in the elevator (unless she's on a poster). Nope, she's not on there for her looks.

She's not a nurse or else she'd be wearing one of those cool hats, or at least scrubs. If she were a nurse, they'd be exploiting that pretty good. So, no, not a nurse.

With her hands folded in front of her like that she seems to be waiting; like she's the potential recipient of donated blood. But, then again, she looks too healthy to need blood (although her face is pretty pale).

She probably represents the common, everyday person who would be most likely to donate blood in a workplace environment. That's the only thing that seems to make any sense. But still, why her? Why not someone else? Or something other than a person?

Maybe having an ordinary, non-descript person standing there is better than the alternative: a big, boring bag of blood.
(I didn't have time to shade the background of the picture the way I would have liked, but you get the idea.)

Involtini al Sugo Rosso

This recipe isn't as hard as it looks, but it does take a bit of time to do. The meat part is called 'Involtini' (each one is an 'Involtino') and then I make some pasta to go with them.

What you'll need:

• Steaks, thinly cut (however many of them you want to make) I used top sirloin (I think), but others would work just as well.
• Prosciutto (it's a cured Italian ham, available at most grocery stores (you might have to ask the deli guy to cut you some). Don't be turned off by the fact that it raw). You need a slice for each Involtino, plus about 4 slices for the sauce (very, very thin slices)
• Pecorino Roman cheese
• 2 Cloves of Garlic
• 2 Tbsp Olive Oil
• 3 Small Cans Tomato Sauce
• Toothpicks
• Garlic Salt, Salt, Pepper, Crushed Red Pepper, Basil, Parsley, Vegetable Boullion.
• You'll also need wax paper and a rolling pin, but you won't be eating those.

Start by placing the steaks between sheets of wax paper, and then rolling them flat. You can get them down to about 1/8 inch thick or so.Then cut steaks into pieces that can be rolled up good. About a 5"x7" piece would be ideal, but you can make just about anything work.

Garlic salt and pepper the one side of the steak. Cover the steaks with grated Pecorino Romano cheese, then put a slice of the prosciutto on top.

Roll up the steaks, starting at the small end (so the larger end can be wrapped around the sides if necessary. Use a couple toothpicks to close them together so they sort of look like big bratwurst. Brown some garlic in olive oil in a large sauce pan, then drop in the involtini. Brown them on each side, then pull them out and set them aside.
Chop up some steak to put into the oil (you can either have a steak specially intended for use in the sauce, or trim up the other steaks and put the odd-shaped bits in the sauce).

Brown the steak bits and season them with salt, pepper, crushed red pepper, and vegetable boullion until they're almost cooked. Dice up the prosciutto and put it in with the steak bits. Season the mixture with the Parsley and Basil.

At this point you can add some red wine if you'd like, and cook the alcohol out.

Oh, did I mention that you should be using the same oil that you cooked the Involtini in? You should. After the meat's cooked (the prosciutto doesn't really need to be cooked much), add in the 3 cans of tomato sauce. Place the involtini in the sauce and let it simmer for as long as you can. I would recommend 2 hours if you've got 'em. The involtini should cook completely in 20-30 minutes, but the longer you cook it the more rich the flavors get, and the more tender the meat gets.
Cook up some Rigatoni or some other type of pasta (spaghetti might actually be pretty good, too) and mix it in with the sauce (after you've pulled out the involtini and put them on plates). Serve hot. It serves as many people as you cooked it for.

Was this any surprise?

You Are Basil

You are quite popular and loved by post people. You have a mild temperament, but your style is definitely distinctive. You are sweet, attractive, and you often smell good.

What Spice Are You?

Intelligence

Your Dominant Intelligence is Logical-Mathematical Intelligence

You are great at finding patterns and relationships between things. Always curious about how things work, you love to set up experiments. You need for the world to make sense - and are good at making sense of it. You have a head for numbers and math ... and you can solve almost any logic puzzle. You would make a great scientist, engineer, computer programmer, researcher, accountant, or mathematician.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

GPS

You're familiar with GPS technology, aren't you?

You know, all the satellites roaming around the earth and sending out a signal that receivers then interpret as a physical location on the earth. Pretty neat stuff, eh?

And the application of the technology seemingly has no limitations. They use it to find lost hikers, bomb buildings, and can even give you directions anywhere you go.

That's correct. With a handy little multiple-hundred dollar device, you can have instructions given to you by a human-like voice, telling you where to turn, which lane to merge into, which road to take next. There have been countless commercials about this stuff, particularly ones that show a man talking to his wife on the phone in the car, and the female voice giving him commands. Of course, the wife thinks there's a woman in the car with him and gets mad.

That leads me to think that the next step in GPS technology isn't too far away: The back-seat driver GPS. You could program it with your wife's voice, and it would keep you company when you drive without her with you (it would be great for business trips).

Instead of helpful directions, like "prepare to turn right", it would mock you and heckle you. (DISCLAIMER: Annie's probably the better driver of the two of us, and she never criticizes my driving (she just hides her face in her hands sometimes). This content of this post does not come from my own experience, but from the strange leap-frogging insanity of my own mind).

"You missed your turn, dummy!"

"Quit following so close!"

"Watch out for that car!"

"Slow down! There might be deer on the road!"

It would also have a "Whiny Kid" mode (with an option of up to 3 different kids at the same time):

"Are we there yet?"

"I have to go to the bathroom!"

"Cletus keeps touching me! Make him stop!"

Oh yes, we live in a world of miracles and wonders.

Pasta Semplice

Well, I hate to turn this into an all-recipe format blog, but I made another good meal a couple days ago, happened to take pictures, and thought I'd share.

This is really the most basic of recipes for cooking Italian food. Some purists might disagree with some of my methods, but this is what I've found works the best for me given the constraints of working with ingredients available in Utah.

For this recipe you need:

• 2 Cloves of Garlic
• 1 Tbsp Olive Oil (sorry, butter won't cut it this time)
• Some meat (I used ground Italian Sausage for this one)
• A vegetable (a red pepper would be great)
• A 14.5 ounce can of tomato sauce (I used diced tomatoes, but only because Costco switched to "Organic" tomato sauce for twice the price (yes, those quotation marks are appropriate. I have little respect for "Organic" produce)). You could use two cans if you'd like. Maybe you should.
• A box of pasta (I used bowtie, but would have preferred to put penne rigate in this one--really, though, any pasta will do). Put in two boxes if you'd like; it'll feed twice the people (just be sure to add at least one more can of tomato sauce).
• Salt, pepper, crushed red pepper, basil, oregano, parsely, vegetable boullion, a little cooking wine.

Well, that should be close to everything you'll need. You'll want to start with the olive oil and brown the garlic in it (you could use half an onion in place of the garlic, but whichever you use, don't burn it!)

After you've transferred the garlic flavor to the oil, add the meat. Salt and pepper the meat. Salt it good. Really. Salt it more than you think you should. Add the crushed red pepper. How much? As much as you'd like; you're the one eating it. Oh, and add the vegetable boullion cube.

When the meat's pretty well cooked (but not quite) add it the vegetable (if you diced up a pepper, good for you!) Add a bit more salt (you heard me) and sprinkle some parsley over everything, a little less basil, and a quarter tsp of oregano. If you're using italian sausage, add in a little rosemary, too, but not very much.

When the meat's fully cooked and the vegetables are getting pretty soft, pour in some cooking wine (or don't) and burn off the alcohol (if you did). Then add the tomatoes.

Mmm... Looks good, doesn't it? Now you just want to cook it. Ideally, you should cook it for a couple hours, adding water every now and then. If your time is short, though, as mine always is, try to cook it at least 20 minutes (until the tomatoes stop tasting like tomatoes).

While it's cooking you can put some water in a pot and get it boiling (you could have been doing this already if you had read ahead). Add salt to the water. And not an "American" pinch of salt. Throw in an Italian handful:

The pasta is made without any salt at all. You have to cook it with some salt to make it taste good. And, really, if you worry that ALL that salt will be in your pasta, taste the water when you strain the pasta (don't burn yourself, though). You have to really salt the water to get the pasta to taste right (don't worry, salt's still pretty cheap).

When the water comes to a boil, "boot" the pasta (the Italian verb 'buttare'). Give it a stir. Then go wash the cutting board and wipe off the countertops while you wait. Or read a good book (but not a really good one or you'll forget about dinner).

When the pasta is "al dente" (meaning "to the tooth", which doesn't translate really well, but means when it's still a little firm (you don't want your pasta to dissolve into its original ingredients)) strain out the water (I don't care how you do it) and either put the pasta in with the sauce, or the sauce in with the pasta.

Stir it up good, add a bit of pecorino romano (or parmesan) cheese, and serve it hot. Then, if all went well, 2 minutes later it should look like this:

A "Great" Post

Lately I've been noticing a disturbing trend. Similar to, but much worse than, the "air quotes" that gripped the nation a few years back. Sure, there are some people who still use the "air quotes" from time to time, but nobody pays any attention to them anymore.

Just when I thought people were starting to use quotation marks more appropriately, I've noticed this new, very disturbing trend. And it's not just from uneducated people; it spans all socio-economic group.

People are using quotation marks to "emphasize" things. And sometimes using "them for" no apparent reason. Take this example, found on the restroom door at the local grocery store:
I mean, I can understand that they want to emphasize that no merchandise should be taken into the restroom, but isn't there are better way to show that than by using quotation marks? Maybe CAPITAL letters? Underlining? An exclamation point? Maybe a picture of a person's hand being cut off? I dunno.

They're not actually quoting someone, are they? Who said it, Gandi? Confucius? Maybe it was the store manager, but that still wouldn't qualify for quotation marks.

There's also a mexican joint in town, and right as you go in you're informed that they accept "no" checks. "No" checks? Perhaps they really DO accept checks, and this is a loose guideline. Maybe they accept checks from the people they want to accept checks from, but to put the "no" in quotation marks does nothing to emphasize their point, but actually weakens their policy.
The worst offense I've seen is this party invitation we received awhile back:
There will be "food"? "Food"?! What exactly are they planning to serve? Is it wax fruit? Pictures of turkey dinners? I don't know what to expect.

And an "open house"? Do they really not want people to come? Is the house not really open?

And, of course, the big question: Is it really his "60th" birthday?

I don't mean to criticize... really. But, for sanity's sake, please stop "using" quotation marks when they're "not needed".