Pass

Well, it wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be, but I'm still really glad I studied. There were 165 questions (5 more than they'd said) in two parts. The first part was 83 questions and I was allotted 3 hours for it. The second part was 82 questions, and I was allotted an additional 3 hours. In between the two sections I was allowed a 30 minute break (I could take longer than that but it would cut into my time).

After signing in, they took my picture, then informed me that every square inch of the testing room was covered by their dozen cameras at all times. Then they make me take everything out of my pockets--wallet, keys, cell phone (which had to be turned off), change, guitar picks, chapstick-- and remove my watch. The only things I was allowed to keep with me were my clothes, belt, shoes, wedding ring, and glasses. Next time I'll know which items to write the answers on (you can fit a lot of answers on a belt my size).

The first section was pretty tough. There were a lot of calculation questions, and there were very few questions that I instantly knew the answers to. Of the 83 questions, i was completely sure about 20 or so, somewhat sure about 40, and crossing my fingers on the other 23.

Since I'd only been in there an hour and 15 minutes when my break came up, I decided to just keep plugging away, and was surprised to find the second half much easier. There were about 30-40 that I was sure about, and reasonably sure about most of the rest. And, of course, by the time I got to the last 20 or so I was pretty sure I'd passed anyway so I didn't spend too much time worrying about them.

There were about 40 questions that I would not have known the answer to if I hadn't studied the weeks before, and I was really surprised at how well the things I studied matched up to the test.

I know there are a lot of people who have a hard time taking tests, so in a way I feel bad passing things so easily. However, just so you don't think I'm a total jerk about it, I produced a study guide while I was doing my studying that I plan to share with the other 8 guys that will be taking the test later this year. Maybe that study guide will be the difference between some of them passing or failing. See, I'm not a total arrogant jerk, am I?

Thanks for the thoughts and prayers. It was certainly more of a challenge than I'd anticipated. I'm just glad it's over.

Crammit

Well, as some of you know, and most probably don't, I'm taking my Appraisal Licensing Exam tomorrow morning. It should just be loads of fun.

Before you ask, yes I'll be licensed to appraise homes; and no, I won't appraise yours (not that I don't want to, just that it's an ethics violation. (That's not entirely true. I don't want to. But not because of you, just because I wouldn't even know where to start with a residential appraisal)).

I've spent the last 2 weeks studying pretty much all day for this test. Yes, that's officially more studying than I've ever done in my life. The difference is: I get paid to study for this test. And, if (when) I pass, they bump up my salary.

Before you start thinking that I've lost my test-taking abilities and I'm worried that I won't pass, I have to explain the situation: This test has absolutely nothing to do with what I do at work. Okay, "absolutely" nothing is a bit harsh; "virtually" nothing would be better.

The concepts are similar, but the actual execution is completely different.

But, regardless of similarities, I've been studying for a test for which I have no background. I have to retrain my mind to do things this other way, but just for a day.

Here's the breakdown of the test:

• I'm supposed to allow for 6 hours to take it. I'm predicting 3 1/2 (I want to finish by lunch time).


• There are 160 questions, 10 of which don't count (but, unfortunately, they don't tell you which ones).


• The test is done in two halves, each with 80 questions.


• I have to arrive 30 minutes early so they can train me to use the computer system that the test is done on. Are they serious? ("Hey man, what's this mousey thing with the buttons?)


• They tell me immediately upon completion if I pass, but will only give me my score if I fail. I'm half-tempted to try to fail just so I can get my score. I sort of see their point, though: you don't want to feel inferior to your co-workers if they scored higher than you. But, on the other hand, it would be nice to feel superior to your co-workers if you scored higher.


• I need to bring a financial calculator, one with funky buttons, but not too many buttons. If I show up with the wrong kind of calculator they confiscate it and hand me an abacus.


• They want two forms of picture ID. I hope they'll accept my Concealed Firearms Permit.


• I'm not allowed to bring any scratch paper with me, but they'll provide some for me when I get there. I was just planning to use my arm and a Sharpie, but I guess I'll use their paper. It's probably that recycled stuff that tears on every other word.

Hopefully I'll be able to pass the test; I'm a little more worried than I probably should be. How hard could a multiple choice test be? Especially when I only need 75% to pass! Back in my school days I could pull an 80% on tests for which I didn't even attend class.

But the stakes are high. Failing the test would cost me the price of the test and put my job in jeopardy (I'd have one more chance to take it). Plus, it'd be really embarassing to have to tell people that I scored less than 75% on a multiple choice test. At least I'd be able to get my score, though.

Life's Good

How can I complain with a beautiful wife and a prize-winning toilet to come home to every night?

Something New, Used, Borrowed, and Purple

Y'all (y'all. I am country) might like this. It's an ad made by the ImprovEverywhere people.

Elevator Music: Tanda @ Yahoo! Video

Rnodam Ttohguhs

Do crazy people know they're crazy?

This question came up while chatting with Annie last night. I've found that any conversation taking place after 11pm is automatically really deep or really silly, or a combination of the two. This was a silly question that was brought up from a serious discussion, and, after its initial silliness, I started to consider it more in depth and it changed from silly to deep.

The discussion that spawned this question was about one of my biggest fears, which is: what if I'm really not as intelligent as I think I am, and I'm too stupid to realize that I don't actually know anything?

It's like with little kids. They don't understand the sarcasm in your voice like a normal adult would, and assume that everything you say to them is serious. Seeing kids respond to adult conversation I've started going back through my childhood memories trying to pick out all those things that people told me that I just didn't understand.

Like when I made a "guitar" out of an old pencil box without a lid and a number of rubber bands. My parents said they liked the music I was playing. I doubt that now, but I was pretty proud of myself then for creating a new, aurally-pleasing musical instrument.

I don't blame anyone for humoring me when I was that age. The more I see people interact with their kids the more I realize it's a necessity. But it lends support to my argument that maybe I'm too stupid to know I'm not smart, or too crazy to realize I'm crazy.

So the question becomes: How can I know that I'm intelligent?

You'd say, "Well, you can know if you're intelligent if people tell you you're intelligent." And I'd say, "Yeah, but if I'm not smart enough to detect sarcasm or deceit, then how can I really trust what anyone says? Maybe they're humoring me the way I would humor a child." We both make pretty good arguments, and because I'm me, I'm going to side with myself and say that external input isn't reliable.

You'd probably counter with the argument, "You could examine your own thoughts and compare them with your own standard of intelligence." You'd probably word it differently, but however you word it, I'd respond like this: "What if my own standard of intelligence is limited, but I'm not smart enough to see the limits? Over 90% of people (I just made that up, but I wouldn't admit that in a debate) believe that they are of above average intelligence. Sorry to tell you, people, but 30% of you are wrong. What if I'm nearing the limits of my intellectual capacity? If I've learned 90% of everything I'll ever be capable of learning, I'd consider myself pretty smart. but, conversely, if I had a much higher capacity for learning, and had only learned 20% of what I could, I'd feel really stupid."

Again, point for me.

You'd then come up with a good question: "What about standardized tests? Aren't they good indicators of intelligence?"

"You make a good point," I'd say, "but whose standard are they testing? I could write a test that caters to my strengths and call it a 'standard'. Anyone taking the test would then have to conform to my way of thinking to score well on the test. Isn't that how all standardized tests are? And, really, who's writing these tests? If the people writing the tests aren't smarter than me, then how can they really test my intelligence?"

At that point you'd throw your hands in the air and say, "You're just crazy." At least that's what Annie did last night, and I don't blame her. I'm exasperating (this word reminds me of "Sasparilla" and makes me thirsty) enough in small doses. I can't imagine having to deal with me on a daily basis.

But, that leads me to my next topic, which is really the first topic (but it got hijacked by the rest of the conversation. Actually, it was just easier to find pictures of crazy people than it was to find pictures of stupid people. Well, I have a lot of pictures of stupid people, but I'd hate to post their pictures here, just in case they still believe they're in the 90%).

How would you possibly know if you're crazy?

I mean, if you're a werewolf you at least have some pretty good clues that you're changing form every full moon: dirt under your fingernails, scratch marks all over your house even though you don't own a pet, an irrestistible hankering for dog food, and having to shave 3 times a day.

But, for being crazy, there are no real symptoms. Well, there are plenty of symptoms, but it seems to me that, if you're acting a certain way, you're acting that way because it seems normal to you, so, by default, nothing you do would seem strange.

I guess you have to rely on people you trust to let you know if you're crazy or not. But that comes with its own set of problems: How do you know that people are actually trustworthy? What if it's in their own best interest to convince you you're crazy, or have you institutionalized (that's a fun word). I would imagine that if you're crazy, you're not really competent to make that kind of a determination.

So, I guess all you can really do is move forward through life hoping not to get locked up in an insane asylum. Although, maybe if you really were crazy, you'd have a lot more fun there than out in the real world. Sometimes I think I would.
Of course, you could go your whole life as mad as a hatter without ever being institutionalized.

Oh, if you're wondering about the title, there's research (some guy with too much time on his hands) that shows that the human brain can figure out what a word is if the first and last letters are correct and all the other letters are in there somewhere. It's actually pretty amazing how well your mind can pick up on things like that. Maybe my next post will all be written that way...

The Mastermind

As many of my long-time readers know, I'm an INTJ personality type (known both as "The Scientist" and "The Mastermind"). You can read my earlier synopsis of what that means by clicking here.

The bottom line is that the few INTJ's out there (less than 1% of the population) are very often misunderstood. I feel like I should join a support group or something.

Recently I've been reading up on some additional sources of information about INTJs and have found some great stuff. It fits me pretty well.

Here's a good snippet:

"Masterminds do not feel bound by established rules and procedures, and traditional authority does not impress them, nor do slogans or catchwords. Only ideas that make sense to them are adopted; those that don't, aren't, no matter who thought of them. Remember, their aim is always maximum efficiency."

Or there's this:

"Problem-solving is highly stimulating to Masterminds, who love responding to tangled systems that require careful sorting out. Ordinarily, they verbalize the positive and avoid comments of a negative nature; they are more interested in moving an organization forward than dwelling on mistakes of the past."

I even found a likely physical description of a Mastermind:

"Masterminds have a characteristic ascetic face. There are two reason for this. Firstly the facial structure itself is often reminiscent of ancient portraits because of its angularity and composition of the features, like cheekbone and eyebrow arcs. Secondly their facial expression is often accepted as emotionless and severe. Their face is usually pale or bloodless. Males often have a short haircut.


In many cases INTjs are slim. Their stomach is usually placed ahead of the chest giving them their characteristic posture. Their gait is somewhat unsure, wavering slightly. Sometimes it seems like they are not sure where they are going. This becomes more obvious in moments of excitement. Their clothes are not usually very striking. INTjs do not like to attract excessive attention to themselves and most of the time they stick to simple clothes, often wearing the same style and composition for a long time."

And some generalizations about diet:

"They are often indifferent to food and its presentation. It can be simple but must be fresh. When involved in something interesting they can completely forget that they need to eat. In everyday matters INTjs are modest and are happy to have a minimum degree of comfort."

Anyway, I guess this post is more for me than for anyone else. I need to reassure myself every now and then that there are other people out there like me, even if nobody understands me.

Of potential benefit to people who know me, I found a list of ways to deal with INTJ's:

1. Be willing to back up your statements with facts - or at least some pretty sound reasoning.


2. Don't expect them to respect you or your viewpoints just because you say so. INTJ respect must be earned.


3. Be willing to concede when you are wrong. The average INTJ respects the truth over being "right". Withdraw your erroneous comment and admit your mistake and they will see you as a very reasonable person. Stick to erroneous comments and they will think you are an irrational idiot and treat everything you say as being questionable.


4. Try not to be repetitive. It annoys them.


5. Do not feed them a line of bull.


6. Expect debate. INTJs like to tear ideas apart and prove their worthiness. They will even argue a point they don't actually support for the sake of argument.


7. Do not mistake the strength of your conviction with the strength of your argument. INTJs do not need to believe in a position to argue it or argue it well. Therefore, it will take more than fervor to sway them.


8. Do not be surprised at sarcasm.


9. Remember that INTJs believe in workable solutions. They are extremely open-minded to possibilities, but they will quickly discard any idea that is unfeasible. INTJ open-mindedness means that they are willing to have a go at an idea by trying to pull it apart. This horrifies people who expect oohs and ahhs and reverence. The ultimate INTJ insult to an idea is to ignore it, because that means it's not even interesting enough to deconstruct. This also means that they will not just accept any viewpoint that is presented to them. The bottom line is "Does it work?"
   
10. Do not expect INTJs to actually care about how you view them. They already know that they are arrogant with a morbid sense of humor. Telling them the obvious accomplishes nothing.

Which reminds me of one of my favorite deep thoughts: "A man doesn't automatically get my respect. He's got to get down in the dirt and beg for it."

PS - The pictures on the side are of other suspected INTJ's, not just random pictures I found. The first picture isn't suggesting that ALL the ghostbusters were INTJ's; it's just Dan Akroyd (I liked the Ghostbuster's picture better than the one of him just standing there).

Do you ever feel like Ensign Ricky?

What's My Name Again?

On my ride up in the elevator this morning (no, I didn't get a fritter... there weren't any left) I noticed a sign announcing the retirement of some lady that's worked her for 31 years. That's a long time. That didn't stand out to me nearly as much as her name, though: Marge.

Tell me honestly: does anyone reading this blog not instantly think of "Large Marge" when you hear the name Marge? I do.

And it got me thinking about how we make associations with names. I've met this woman before; in fact, I see her on a pretty regular basis. She's really nice, and not at all "large". But admit it, every one of you thought "Large Marge" when you saw the picture of her name (or you at least laughed when I mentioned it).

I've run into the same thing with my name, though maybe to a lesser degree. If I had a penny for every time someone, when hearing my name, has said "Hey Dan, Dan, the Maytag Man" I'd take those pennies and shove them down the next guy who says it's throat. Well, maybe not, but I'd certainly have a lot of pennies.

It's one of those things you just have to get used to. I'm pretty sure there isn't a single name out there that doesn't have some connotation, association, or rhyming taunt. I'm sure you can all list a half dozen things that people have called you.

Another name that comes up a lot for me is "Big Dan", though it's usually only applied to me when people meet me in person; not so much on the phone.

I don't mind being called Big Dan; it's a lot better than "Large Marge", anyway. There are more positive connotations with "Big" than there are with "Large". Plus, it's much more advantageous for a guy to be "Big" than for a girl to be "Large". As a result, "Big Dan" has always been fine with me.

Growing up, I was always "Daniel Boone" or "Dapper Dan" (which I didn't understand until the movie "O Brother Where Art Thou"). There were also rumors that I combed my hair with a wagon wheel and died with a toothache in my heel. I can't say I was ever a big fan of being called any derivative of my name, especially when I didn't understand the reference.

On the other hand, I always felt pretty good about having my own book in the Bible.

...But I didn't appreciate Elton John singing about me...

...And definitely have never, ever, enjoyed being called "Danny Boy", especially if it's done in song. I've listened, but have never heard the pipes calling me (oddly, though, I really like the song)...

...Never enjoyed answering to "Danielle" on the first day of school (on a related note, I always seemed to get a cold on the first day of school, making it hard to correct the teacher ("Just call me 'Dan'")...

...On the positive side, it's nice that there's a song about me ("Dan, I Wish I Was Your Lover") that wasn't sung by Elton John...

...It has come in handy for some personal slogans: "I'm Dan if I do and Dan if I don't" and "Well, I'll be Dan"...

Really, though, there's no name that would be immune from being associated with other things, both positive and negative. And, at the end of the day, I feel relieved to have the name that I do. Just--please--unless you see me wearing blue Maytag overalls, just stick to "Dan".

BO

It's lunchtime here and somebody just went and cooked a rubbermaid dish full of stinky, sweaty towels.

What? They didn't? That was actually some sort of food that they were planning to eat?

What? They're eating it?!

It really stinks in here, as it does every day around lunch time. The problem is that there's really no good lunch eating area. Well, yeah, I guess there's that big room downstairs with all the tables and the guy with the grill cooking things up. But, aside from that, it's just a lot easier for everyone to just eat at their own desk.

Which is fine. I fully support it. There's not enough room for everyone downstairs in that big room with all the tables anyway (in fact, I get pretty bent out of shape if there are so many people that I can't get my usual table). The problem is that all leftovers are not created equal.

Some people just don't know how to cook. And you can be sure that if the food wasn't good at its premiere, it's not going to be any better at its encore (the same goes for puking up said food). Some people just don't know how to cook, and their spouse is too polite to say anything. That's how the office ends up smelling like a chinese (nothing against the Chinese people, but the resultant odor typically smells more oriental than anything) locker room.

Good lunches can be bad too. There's nothing worse than being hungry and smelling barbecue sauce-drenched ribs when you're waiting for the hot water in your styrofoam cup to make your noodles pliable.

I've been pretty lucky. Annie's a great cook. She doesn't think that she is, but only because she's not here smelling the interesting concoctions that pass as food here. Were she to smell what I smell, and compare it to the aroma of her own creations, she'd readily agree that she's ready for her own TV show.

Whenever Annie doesn't cook and we don't have coupons at Arby's I whip up some pasta or a risotto. It usually comes out pretty good. If nothing else, it smells really good. However good my lunch leftovers are, though, I have to eat them downstairs away from the various smells around my desk. The odors permeating my cubicle change the taste of my food to such a degree that I have to continually watch the food to make sure it doesn't transform into the gym socks it smells like.

Which bring up another question: do people smell differently depending on what they eat?

When I first arrived in Italy I was startled by other missionaries' requests to sniff their arms and tell them what they smelled like. It was kinda creepy. Their theory was that I would be used to how Americans smelled and could therefore detect a change in odor in Americans who had long been exposed to an Italian diet.

The short answer is that I didn't detect any difference in smell in anyone. It's amazing, though, how much different everything smells over there, especially around lunch time. When we were out knocking doors we always knew when lunch time was coming up because we could smell pasta cooking. The streets were filled with the aroma of pasta cooking (it's a great smell, isn't it? It's as good as how rain smells, in my book).

I've heard unsubstantiated rumors that a diet high in garlic will actually scare off mosquitoes (or mosquitos?). I've never done a study of my own, and I'm too lazy too search the words "garlic repel mosquito" in google (on a related note, it's funny how rustic our vocabulary becomes when we do an internet search), but I believe that it's probably true, based on nothing but my own belief (or desire to believe?).

Back to the main point (which is really the subsidiary point), do people smell different based on what they eat? Probably, but only a dog would know for sure.

Recently, I read an article somewhere about how medical researchers are using odor to detect disease. The theory is that the gases and chemicals produced and expelled (not necessarily that kind of expelled) from the body, and in what proportion to each other, can diagnose some conditions. I guess they're already able to "sniff" someone's skin to determine if they have skin cancer. That sure sounds better than just hacking out bits of skin to test them.

This is a really long post, and it doesn't even say anything worthwhile, and I'm not even going to go to the trouble of putting in pictures or links (imagine that there's a picture of a "Cup'o'Noodles" up near the top, and maybe some Chinese athletes about halfway down). My point is this: don't bring a smelly lunch to work.

926

HowManyOfMe.com

There are 926 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

The real question is: How many of those people look just like me? I'd say at least 1.