I Have a Lot of Problems With You Hippies

The word Hippie is a lot like the word Hobo. Just the mere uttering of the word causes me uncontrollable giggling. Hippies, as a group, are hard to define. Well, it's hard for me to define them, but Webster does okay (just think of this post as a sacrament meeting talk). A Hippie is "a usually young person who rejects the mores of established society and advocates a non-violent ethic." The first part of that sounds like every kid I've ever known, and the second part sounds like the kids in school who weren't very coordinated (and thus couldn't play sports).

The Urban Dictionary hits it a little closer: "A Hippie is a person who was raised under the ideological system that came out of the tumultuous 1960's in North America and western Europe. They are either of the flower-child/baby boomer generation or that generations' subsequent offspring. They possess a core belief set revolving around the values of peace and love as being essential in an increasingly globalized society, and they are oftentimes associated with non-violent anti-governmental groups."

With any group, of course, there are various subsets. Like with the LDS crowd; there are Utah Mormons (a strange bunch), non-Utah Mormons (generally level-headed), and Utah County Mormons (that scare the green Jell-O out of me.) I want to focus my comments today on the Hippie equivalent of Utah County Mormons: the Demented Environmentalist.

You know who I'm talking about. They're the ones that advocate using a single sheet of toilet paper per day (which is a great accomplishment considering what they typically eat). They're the ones that chain themselves to trees and protest in the streets naked for some reason (I know they're carrying signs, but I've never read one). The Demented Environmentalist hangs out at the organic supermarket with their hand-woven hemp shopping bags, with their only child Sagebrush following along behind barefoot.

For many years I thought that I despised Hippies, especially the demented ones. But then I came to realize that a lot of times people don't like a group of people because they see those same traits in themselves. A lot of the all-time greatest homophobes are closet homers themselves. I'm not saying that I'm a Hippie at heart (or a homer), but I do have to admit that I agree with a lot of things those nut-jobs say; I just vehemently disagree with the way they say it.

For example: Clean Air. Who's not a fan of clear blue skies? Who on Earth would complain if there were no smog? Isn't it a goal we could all get behind, especially if it only meant making slight changes in our lifestyles? I consolidate trips, I walk when I can, I carpool to work every day (and took the bus before the carpool). I don't mind doing those things. But what I do mind is that the nut-jobs out there say, "Hey everybody! All our carbon dioxide emissions are going up into the atmosphere and in ten years we'll all be dead because of it!"

Why not just leave it at: "Wouldn't you like cleaner air? Let's do a little to make our lives better." That's a goal that everyone can get behind.

Example 2: Protecting wilderness areas. I love technology. I love human expansion and innovation. I love owning a little piece of land to grow things on. I think that everyone should have the opportunity to have their own piece of land. I also think that we should leave some of the land wild and untouched (of course, I also believe that humans should be allowed to enter those areas and enjoy them).

I'm all in favor of protecting land from human encroachment and leaving native habitats intact. I think most people are in favor of it, don't you? What person out there is going to say that they want to level every piece of ground in the world and build on it? They'd be a wacko, wouldn't they? But instead of leaving it at, "Let's use the land we need, but preserve some land in its natural state" the Demented Environmentalists say, "Humans have no right to live anywhere. Humans are a parasite on the Earth and should be eliminated. Animals are more important than people."

Why on Earth do they have to go so far beyond what's reasonable? Why can't humans and animals co-exist on this planet? As I see it, there are two scenarios: 1) God created man and gave him dominion over all the Earth. In this scenario, man has a responsibility to protect and peacefully co-exist with nature. Scenario 2) Man and animals all derived from the same single-celled organism millions of years ago. In this scenario, man is as much a part of the eco-system as any other living thing, and should, like any other animal, do whatever necessary to ensure its survival. I believe that living in harmony with nature (not necessarily riding wild stallions bareback while living on berries in the woods) is most beneficial for mankind. Either way, man and non-man should live together in harmony.

The reason the Demented Environmentalist is so freakish can be found in the following quotations from selected DE's:

"I think the answer to that depends on where your audience's head is. In the United States of America, unfortunately we still live in a bubble of unreality. And the Category 5 denial is an enormous obstacle to any discussion of solutions. Nobody is interested in solutions if they don't think there's a problem. Given that starting point, I believe it is appropriate to have an over-representation of factual presentations on how dangerous it is, as a predicate for opening up the audience to listen to what the solutions are..." - The DE King, Al Gore.

"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed — and hence clamorous to be led to safety — by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary." - Henry Louis Mencken

And of course Joseph Goebbels, Nazi Propaganda Minister: "If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it."

It's not about the truth. It's not about what's right and what's wrong. It's not about accuracy. It's about power. If you can scare someone enough, they'll do whatever you want them to do. It's like in horror movies where the scantily-clad sorority girl is at the point where she can't handle anymore and the guy that's really the killer is there and offers to walk her home. She's not thinking clearly, she's scared stiff. The rest of us can see that he's the killer because we're not as scared as her. If you scare the people enough, they'll follow you anywhere.

So I continue to take my reusable shopping bags into the store (they've determined that they actually take more energy to produce than the equivalent in plastic bags, but at least they don't take up landfill space), I'll keep carpooling and consolidating my errands around town. I'll use fluorescent lightbulbs wherever it makes sense, and absolutely refuse to pour my used engine oil down the drain.

But I don't do these things because I'm afraid the world will blow up, or that the ocean levels will rise, or that more hurricanes will magically occur because I used hairspray. I do these things because they make sense to me on a personal level. I'm not out to change the world, I'm not trying to make a statement, and if something costs more than any benefit, real or perceived, I may derive from it, I'm not going to jump on the bandwagon just to be Green (hybrids fall deeply into that category).

I'm not the kind of guy to fall for hype (sorry, Al), and artificial deadlines really make me question peoples' motivation (Healthcare, anyone?). But I really think the Demented Environmentalists would get a lot more people on board if they'd just be realistic and try to make positive changes for our world rather than trying to seek power, fortune, and fame for themselves.

Now where are the steps down from this soapbox?