Shallmennows

We've all been there--you're singing along with a song on the radio when everyone turns to look at you. You're not singing too loud; it's not that. Remarkably, you're even singing in key.

But what did you just say?

"You made the rice, I made the gravy. But it just may be some tuna fish you're lookin for..."

What? Excuse me? Did you really think that's what Billy Joel was saying? Please say you didn't. But you did; and that's what you've ALWAYS thought he was saying.

This embarassing situation is often the result of years of preparation. It usually takes these steps:

1) You hear a song when you're really young (or really tired) by an artist that doesn't enunciate well (or you're just REALLY young or REALLY tired).

2) You sing along with the song in your head for a few years, repeating the lyrics that you know don't make any sense, but what song lyrics really do?

3) You graduate to singing the song in the car, alone, and nodody's there to correct you. Occasionally you'll get a funny look from a passenger who thinks that maybe they heard something amiss, but they're either unsure or not comfortable enough around you to say anything (it could have been a high school date). These are the same people who wouldn't tell you if your fly was down or you had something in your teeth.

4) You overcome your initial trepidation about the song lyrics. By this time, you've convinced yourself that they're right, because you've heard it over and over for years! They have to be right, don't they? You don't even doubt anymore. Like John Denver's Thank God I'm a Country Boy: "So I piddle when I can and I work when I should..." (instead of fiddle). Maybe, working on a farm, you're often a long way from the farmhouse so you have to piddle whenever you can. It's believable.

5) Mishearings like this can end tragically. Okay, so nobody's going to die, but you might "die" of embarassment. Hopefully when your lyrical world shatters you're with close friends or family. Alternately, being with complete strangers (if there's no chance any of them will see you again) is okay, too.

There are times, though, when the true lyrics of the song aren't as good as the ones you've had in your head. Take, for example, "Hold me close, I'm Tony Danza", instead of "Hold me closer, Tiny Dancer" from Elton John. Or "There's a bathroom on the right", instead of "There's a bad moon on the rise" from Creedence Clearwater Revival. It's a much more helpful phrase, anyway (except when the bathroom happens to be on the left).

Another example is Bob Dylan's Subterranean Homesick Blues, where the REAL words are "The pump don't work 'cause the vandals took the handle." Wouldn't it make a lot more sense if he had said "The pope don't work 'cause the vandals took the candles"?

I'm not saying all the fault lies with the hearer (you) of the lyrics. For one, Bob Dylan did his very best to enunciate (usually at the cost of hitting the right notes), but his lyrics still made no sense. (Such as this tasty gem, also from Subterranean Homesick Blues: "Girl by the whirlpool/Lookin' for a new fool/Don't follow leaders/Watch the parkin' meters.") When the airwaves are full of crazy, nonsensical lyrics, who can blame you for allowing your ears to take some creative liberties?

Oh, if you want to spend an afternoon making yourself feel better that other people have misheard lyrics much worse than you have (that's how we make ourselves feel better: laughing at some poor fool who's worse off than us, and publicly admits it), check out KissThisGuy. And, if you're brave enough, submit your own mistakes.

And, be honest, is there anyone among us who, while in primary, didn't wonder what a shallmennow was? (I was convinced it was a cousin of the marshmallow, and hoped they were planning to pass some out at the end of Sharing Time).