Hello again. Sorry about that last post. That was me bordering on the very edges of sanity. While I was spinning away into a parallel universe, though, I caught a glimpse of something that needs to be discussed: Elevators.
I don't think we give elevators enough thought. Can you imagine life without elevators? Maybe in most places it doesn't make much of a difference, but in some places life would cease to exist without elevators; or at least people wouldn't go out as much.
A couple recent experiences have reminded me of just how creepy elevators can be sometimes. Today as I was returning from my fritter run, before I'd even pushed the elevator button, an elevator opened right in front of me--and nobody got off!
It's creepy to see an elevator just spontaneously open like that. Was there someone on it at the beginning of the ride, and they've met with a mysterious end during the ride? I didn't know, and because of that I was a little hesitant to get on. Then, when I did, and pushed the button, the elevator immediately closed its doors and it started moving.
That may not seem strange unless I tell you that usually after you push the button the elevator sits there until someone passes in front within arm's reach, then it starts to close its doors, just in time to let the person squeeze on. Then it'll wait again until someone else walks by. So, needless to say, to have an elevator immediately leap into action is pretty strange.
Then a couple weeks ago I was waiting for the elevator (probably also when coming back from a fritter run) and the elevator doors opened revealing a swirling blue fissure in the fabric of space and time. Okay, so it wasn't that bad, but the lights were all burned out.
I don't know what it is, but it's difficult to get in a dark elevator. It's like a Coke machine with a burned out light in the front; you know it's working because the little display on the dollar bill slot is lit up telling you how refreshing the product is, but you still hesitate to put your money in because something's just not right.
It's that same way on an elevator with no lights. It's not going to kill you. You won't end up in another dimension (let's hope). But, regardless, it's creepy.
It did, however, bring back some good memories of riding around in elevators in Italy. Over there the elevators were usually an afterthought, being stuck into whatever small space they had available. That meant that they were usually big enough for 3 italians or 1 1/2 americans. They're all about the size of phone booths, often with doors that open inward (and don't expect the doors to open for you; what do you think this is, America?) They're driven by lawnmover engines up on the roof and their speed is inversely proportional to the weight on board.
Most of the elevators smelled like urine (gangs over there don't spray paint to mark their territory... oh wait, they do that too). The only elevators that didn't smell like urine were the ones that required payment. It was only about 3 cents to ride them, but if you didn't have change you were out of luck.
My favorite elevators were in the government-subsidized housing outside of Napoli. The buildings were 14 floors tall and had 2 elevators - only one of which ever worked. More often than not the lights were burned out, the sensors were weak (so you had to jump up and down when you got to your floor to trigger the doors to open), and not only did it SMELL like urine, you could usually SEE the urine on the floor.
Good times.
My real point to this post is that elevators are kind of creepy sometimes, and often inefficient, but they sure save us a lot of climbing up and down stairs. Please share your own elevator horror stories, or just discuss how much you enjoy riding in elevators.
11 comments:
When I was about 8 months pregnant with Jacob I got stuck in an elevator on my way to work on the 4th floor. The elevator just stopped. There were a couple of other people on with me. We had to use the little phone to call someone. I think it only took about 10 minutes to fix it, but 10 minutes on a elevator is 10 minutes too long, especially when you are pregnant. That is the worst thing that has ever happened to me on an elevator. Escalators, however, are a different story.
seriously, you should not even be taking the elevator! you work on the 3rd floor! not like the 30th floor or something!
we shoved 5 missionaries in a phone booth sized elevator once. it broke. we all got stuck for 30 minutes or so. and, it was the apartment in our building...we were on the 4th floor, which technically is the 5th floor you know!
elevators scare me.
My favorite elevator story come from the movie Elf. I just love when Will Ferrel pushes all the buttons on the elevator at the Empire State building. I just love that movie.
We should all get together and watch canalocaust sometime soon.
I love elevators. Reminds me of those in Argentina. Much like Italy, they smell like urine also. Maybe because all the Argentines are also Italian or something. I remember we lived on an eighth story apartment with six missionaries with bikes. The only elevator was very slow and as small as a phone booth. It was always very tricky to try to get the bikes on the elevator, and when the elevator didn't always line up with the floor you were getting off on, it was fun. Seriously, sometimes you could choose which floor to get off on (climb up to the 8th floor or jump down to the 7th) Good times!
My worst experience though was in Old Main at USU. Coming home from the computer lab late at night and the power goes out. 15 minutes or so with no light, and late at night, I thought I would be sleeping in the elevator that night.
I've never had any incidents with elevators, but Wendy told me a cool story about a little ghost boy running through an elevator in an old building downtown. One of her coworkers or someone saw it. Kinda spooky. Reminds me of that scene in the Grudge with the little boy outside the elevator. Freaky!
This is ponderous, man, really ponderous.
I had this dream the other night. I went to work one day, and nobody
remembered who I was. So, I decided to take the day off. On my way
out, I run into my boss, and he says, "Hey, you look familiar."
I said, "Thanks; people say that a lot in these dreams."
Then the horns kicked in, and my shoes started to squeak.
Then all of a sudden, I'm standing on a beach in some tropical part of the world,
and there's this sign that says, "Aren't you supposed to be at work?"
It sort of screamed out at me.
Then I remembered, I'd been here in other dreams. Usually there was a water
polo game, and a girl who could talk with her eyes, and she'd say, "Can you see
what I'm saying?"
i have always wanted to talk into my purse to my imaginary friend when on the elevator with other people.
How about Liar Liar when the elevator door opens and everyone has scrunched up noses and Jim Carey says, "It was me," as he was getting off.
That has never happened to me, but when it does, I want to be the one who says, "It was me."
Elevators aside, this post just makes me want a fritter.
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