Quotes

I know I usually post funny things (or things that I intend to be funny), but I've been in a serious mood lately and need to try to be serious for a while. While doing so, though, I intend to try to be funny.

Over the last couple weeks I've been working on a computer program. It's pretty simple. I love to do those Cryptograms like they have in the newspaper. I love to try to figure them out. And, I'd have to say that I'm getting pretty good.

The problem is that I don't have a pencil in my nightstand (I do them at night), and it's really hard to erase pen. Not that I ever really have to erase anything, but it would be nice to know I could if the need ever arose.

So, rather than try to find a pencil, I've decided to write a program that fills in the letters at your command; you don't need any style of writing implement--just your fingers. And, if you need to erase, you just hit the backspace and it erases everything for you. I've considered making a "pen" game mode and a "pencil" game mode, but I'm not sure it'd be worth the trouble.

Anyway, I told you that story to tell you this one:

In order to be able to make the program challenging, I needed quotes (the quote part of "Cryptoquote") that weren't already in my head. If I'm too familiar with the quotes it won't be much of a challenge at all. So I had to find a source of quotations. And, where do you go when you need information? The Internet!

I was hoping somebody out there would just have an excel spreadsheet set up the way I needed it, but I guess nobody got my e-mail. In the end, I had to copy and paste thousands of quotes (most of them in groups of 100 or more) and then write macros to go through and "massage" the data into a format I could use.

There are a lot of quotes; some good, some really stupid. I weeded out the stupid ones, too; and the ones that contradict my beliefs (it's my program, after all). While reading through them I noticed that many of the same quotations were attributed to more than one person, so I took out all the author names (hey, it's my program, I can do with it as I will). Besides, the author's names in the quote make it too easy to solve them (who doesn't know that "F.P. KLESP" is C.S. Lewis?)

The end result of going through all the quotations is that I read some that really spoke to me, and I would like to share some of them with you. I'm not saying they're good, just that they spoke to me:

• "In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." (that's not a plea for comments; it just made me realize that I often don't support my friends (and family) the way I should)
• "Try to learn something about everything and everything about something." (this has been my motto for as long as I can remember; I just haven't yet found the something to learn everything about)
• "The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad." (some would argue this)
• "Talent does what it can; genius does what it must."
• "If you are going through hell, keep going."
• "The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like a ham-and-eggs breakfast: the chicken was 'involved'; the pig was 'committed'."
• "I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter." (He'll probably make me use the back door... and wipe my feet really good before coming in.)
• "If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars." (I'd like the opportunity to try to prove this one wrong)
• "The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good." (I broke up with many a girl when I saw how they treated servers at restaurants)
• "Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance." (If you graphed a line showing what I think I know, and a line showing what I actually know, they would have crossed about 10 years ago)
• "I have often regretted my speech, never my silence." (If I'm confused about something, chances are somebody else is. I like to let them ask the question and sit back pretending I knew the answer all along.)
• "If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough." (Isn't life better when you're just hanging on by the fingernails hoping to not get bucked off?)
• "Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names."
• "The graveyards are full of indispensable men." (which reminds me of the demotivational poster: "Just because you're necessary doesn't mean you're important.")
• "Always do right--this will gratify some and astonish the rest."
• "A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."
• "Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world."
• "We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience."
• "Every man I meet is in some way my superior." (Some peoples' greatest accomplishment is to serve as a warning to the rest of us)
• "Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow." (I guess maybe I could find something...)
• "Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect."
• "Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work."
• "If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?"
• "When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before."
• "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."
• "Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it." (My actual philosophy is to find the right place and wait around for the right time...)
• "Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens."
• "I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it." (I really want to have the guts to say that sometime.)
• "In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is."
• "Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed."
• "The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that lightning ain't distributed right."
• "Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ-grinder is in the room."
• Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm."
• "Where are we going? And why am I in this handbasket?"

Anyway. There were some good ones. I didn't even have to break out the Jack Handey (but you can be sure he'll be featured in the program when it's done). Let me know if you'd like a copy of the program when I finish it. Also, let me know any favorite quote you have that you want to be sure gets in the rotation.