For example, this picture of the plunger in the restroom at work:
Some clever person wrote "Sceptr of Power" on it with a Sharpie. Of course, they spelled "Sceptre" wrong, but the idea is still there; they're trying to show that wielding a plunger gives you power. How does this tie to Italy, you ask?Well, it starts with a fundamental difference in toilet shape. In the USA we have toilets with a bowl that's, well, bowl-shaped. It Italy it's a little more complicated: their toilets are bowl shaped near the top, but then funnel down into a small hole (3" around or so).
The water in a US toilet is substantial, covering most of the bottom of the bowl. Not so it Italy: the water is limited to that 3" round hole in the bottom, leaving you susceptible to "skidmarks".(For the record, I don't know why there are waves in my toilet sketches. Maybe these toilets are on a boat?)
As you probably can't tell from my crude drawings, the US toilet lends itself well to a plunger--the water level is high enough that you can get a good seal around the plunger, allowing it to plunge. On the Italian toilets, however, you can plunge all day long without making anything move. That's where the Sword of Justice comes in.
The Sword of Justice was a crude device fashioned of a wire coat hanger, often quickly in times of need. The Sword of Justice had a handle made of the write being doubled over on itself a couple times, and a "business end" that was made from the end of the unraveled hanger that has the twisty bit at the end.
The Sword of Justice would be gripped by the handle and ... Well, it's probably not necessary to explain in detail. This post's already on the edge of being too crude (that's the third time I've used that word). Needless to say, if the wielder of the Sword of Justice fought a good fight the toilet would be be rendered useful once more.
I may not have made the connection: the Sceptre of Power reminded me of the Sword of Justice because they both serve the same general purpose, and because they both have cool names.
The corollary to this description of the Sword of Justice is that, given the Italian diet, a Sword of Justice is seldom necessary.
And, if you ever get tired of using either the Sceptre of Power or the Sword of Justice you can always just install some "Moon Boots" in your house:
Just watch your step.
7 comments:
Dan, Dan, Dan...I have a theory about why the Italian toilets don't 'hold the water'. That is because the Italians haven't yet perfected 'the curve'. You know what that is, right? In case you don't, and for those of you who read this; it's the built-in P-trap behind the bowl of the toilet. The water level will only be as high as the end of the p-trap curve. I wish I could draw it for you, but your drawings are priceless. Anyway, since you are a genius, I am sure that you knew this factoid, but should I be so lucky as to know somehting that you didn't, I feel proud to have added to your trivia database.
Mike
Well, I think the Italian toilets are made that way on purpose, to avoid wasting water. That's also the reason they don't shower every day.
i have nothing to say.
Dan - You are so funny! The things that you come up with, and the thoughts that go through you mind....
Anyway funny post and I look forward to seeing what comes up next. ;)
I too have no comment.
I listened to Dave over the phone as he read this. I think he liked it.
If you are looking for a word to use in the place of crude, you could try one of these: common, crass, gross, ill-bred, lowbrow, raffish, rough, rude, tasteless, uncouth, vulgar, boorish, churlish, graceless, inelegant, cloddish, or ungentlemanly. Most of these seem appropriate.
Oh, ya...I forgot we are the most wasteful on earth. Next to your self made spinning video, this is my favorite post. Mike
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