These Are a Few of My Randomest Things

I've been tagged. That takes on a slightly different meaning with it being deer hunting season and all, but maybe it's not all that different. Here the tag: "Share 7 random facts about yourself on your blog."

Now, I'm pretty sure I post random facts about myself on a regular basis, but I've probably never had 7 things in a single post. So here we go:

1) For a long time I thought I had a good false advertising case against M&Ms candy. They're supposed to melt in your mouth and not your hand, right? Well, my sticky 5-year-old hands would always turn colors whenever I held them. Somehow it took a really long time to eat them.

Fast forward 25 years. I finally decide to look into the feasibility of filing a lawsuit against M&Ms, complete with pictures of colored candy coating in the palm of my hands. And then I realized their loophole: the MILK CHOCOLATE melts in your mouth, not in your hands. I didn't have any milk chocolate on my hands. None. I was devastated. There went my multi-million dollar idea.

1a) This would probably qualify on its own, but I used to eat M&Ms (and sometimes Skittles) in order. But not just any order; it had to be a mirrored order. In other words, I had to eat (B)rown, (T)an, (R)ed, (Y)ellow, and reverse that to finish, eating (Y), (R), (T), then (B). Of course, if there were ever an odd number of M&Ms, they'd fit in the middle. If there was more than one color with an odd number I'd have to eat some quickly so that I could make the pattern correctly. This might be why M&Ms always melted in my hand.

1b) I still do this when I'm alone.

2) I love watching infomercials. At least some of them. I'd never consider buying anything, but it's usually some pretty good entertainment. They have those miracle blade knives that look pretty good, but I really have to hold a knife in my hand before I buy it. It has to have a certain feel to it. I prefer the knives that have the one-piece metal going clear to the back of the handle.

Ron Popiel always had some good commercials. The RonCo food dehydrator was one of my favorites. Of course, with every purchase you'd get the RonCo Dial-a-matic vegetable slicer, so it was a good deal. And you could be sure that you wouldn't be paying 99.99, or 89.99, or even 79.99. Would you believe it's not going to cost you 69.99? 59.99? It'll cost under $50 for sure! And you'll get two or three other things to go with it. You can't beat that.

3) I don't drive with my hands at 10 and 2. Now, with the proliferation of airbags (I'm specifically referring to the ones in cars) they recommend putting your hands at 8 and 4. The logic is that you'll be able to maintain control of the steering wheel if the airbag deploys. Chances are, though, there won't be much left to maintain control of; not to mention the fact that you'll have a giant airbag in your face and acidic powder floating around the car to deal with.

Nope, no 10-and-2-er am I. Nor am I a fan of the 8-and-4. I prefer 9. Not only is it easier to drive that way, it's easier to say, though people often don't put it in the context of driving unless you're on the subject. If I were to say "I keep my hand at 9" out of the blue, you'd wonder about me. Whereas if someone says, "I keep my hands at 10 and 2" everyone knows what they're talking about.

It's just so much easier to rest my left arm on the top of the door and grab the wheel with my left hand. That leaves my right hand free to manipulate the radio and air controls, or communicate with other drivers. It's much safer to drive "at 9".

4) I love pop-tarts (at this point I'm just looking around at my desk for ideas). They're pretty tasty. I've only ever toasted one, though, and that was enough to convince me they're better cold. You have to wait for them to cool down before you can eat them anyway.

Not only do I like them, I have a very specific way of eating them (you're surprised, I know). I like to eat each "tart" in three separate pieces. You'd think the easiest way to do that would be to just break it into 3 pieces in series: [][][]. You'd be wrong, though. It just doesn't break well that way, and you don't have an outer edge on the middle piece so it crumbles all over the place.

To effectively break a pop tart into three pieces you have to break off the first third: [][ ], and then break the remaining 2/3s in half the other way (I can't show that with brackets). That way each piece has a long-side of outer edge and they can each be eaten without any hassle.

4a) I don't waste time with fruit-based pop-tart varieties. The nutrition information is the same for "Cookie Dough" pop-tarts as it is with "Strawberry" poptarts. Why eat Strawberry when you can eat Cookie Dough for the same number of calories?

) I'll get to the really good stuff in a minute as a reward for anyone who actually reads all of this. (I probably won't; I'm just killing time while I think of something else). I'd like to take this opportunity to note that the tag doesn't say anything about "interesting facts", just "random facts".

5) I prefer to stay unaffiliated. Although politically I lean to the right I hesitate to affiliate myself with the Republican party. Even though I'm an advocate for 2nd amendment rights I've never seriously considered joining the NRA. I cheer for the Jazz because it's easy and convenient, not because I have any real emotional attachment to the team. There's not a single sports team, professional, college, or otherwise, that I care about so strongly that I'd get into an argument with someone over the team's performance.

Does this reveal a fear of committment? I doubt it; there are many important things to which I'm completely committed. Annie, for one. The Church, for another.

I think it's primarily a fear that, as time goes by, those other organizations may not continue to represent my views--whether it be my own views that change, or the policies and ideas of the organization. Maybe I'm afraid that, in affiliating myself with an organization, I would change my opinions to match theirs. Either way, I think I'm better off just trusting in the things I've already committed to and leaving the rest alone.

6) I'm too nice. I could really get some mileage out of using my size and overall "scary" appearance to intimidate people. I usually don't, though. Being taller and stronger than almost everybody else isn't my fault--I don't even work out.

There are times, though, when I think it would be fun to scare people; sort of like how twins can trade places without people knowing. Just, generally speaking, using an inherent, unique characteristic to achieve something most people are unable to do. Maybe I should work on making my voice louder...

7) Is this the last one? I would have been happy to just do five. Or four; #5 was pretty stupid too. My #7, I guess, is that I taught myself Morse Code. I love codes and ciphers and all of that stuff. Morse Code may seem to have outlived its usefulness, but you'd be surprised how often you see it, if you know it.

There are songs that have Morse code playing in the background; strategically placed dots and dashes in architecture; dots and dashes in all sorts of pop-culture places. It's a forgotten art--in fact, I've forgotten quite a bit of it myself... I should refresh my knowledge of it.

Hopefully this has been illuminating for my readers and all my stalkers. I refuse to tag anyone; mostly because almost everyone I know has previously been tagged, or is currently tagged, or will be tagged by someone else in the near future. The madness has to end somewhere--why does it always end with me?