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As many of you probably know, I'm the kind of guy that likes to understand things. I can't just accept as fact something that somebody tells me. For some people, it's enough to give them a cord and tell them to plug it into an outlet and their device will work. For me, I like to know every function that device has, how it's accessed, what functions can be done with it outside the scope of its intended purpose, and what problems may arise with its use. I also like to know how the electricity powering the device is being produced and how electricity itself powers things.

It was so much easier to be a kid and just believe that some things worked by magic. Now, this post has nothing to do with electricity, or with electronic devices. To be honest, I'm not sure why that first paragraph is there. Today's topic is "words". "Words."

Where do words come from? What do they really mean? Does their meaning change over time? Most people don't care, and for good reason: it's really boring stuff. Unfortunately, I can't help be think about them.

One class of words that has intrigued me recently is words that describe an action, but have evolved into a motionless word. Take the word "Movie", for example. We talk about movies a lot, we go to movies, we watch movies, we make movies (in some cases we make movies we wish we hadn't).

So what is a movie? I'll give you a hint: they pre-date "Talkies". That's right. They're called movies because they're pictures that move. Most everyone in the world probably knew that before they turned 27. Not me, though. To me, a movie was a movie just as a frog was a frog. That's just what it was.

I saw a sign today above a garbage can saying that "wrappers" belong in it. A wrapper. That's the stuff that's on candy and stuff. The stuff that "wraps" around something else. Is it odd that, at 32 years old, I'm just now starting to understand these things?

How about a "Shutter"? You know those things; they hang out on windows. Sure, most of them are decorative and no longer "shut" the way you'd think they would, but they're still there.

How did these words make it into our vocabulary? Seriously! Why aren't shutters called "openers" because they also open or movies called "Changies" because the picture changes?

But it brings up questions about how butter got its name. Was it originally made by goats butting their heads against a milk jug, or by some other less hygienic method?

Flowers? Did they used to be more liquid than they currently are?

Mister? Did men used to spray a lot when they talked? If so, I'm glad most of us have evolved out of that stage.

Number? Did people hate math so much that they felt it was numbing to their brains?

Sewer? Were the things that people used to sew really so bad that they were good for nothing but to be sent down the drain? Who knows.

Summer? I guess I enjoy counting how many summers I have left rather than how many winters, but is that really how the name came about?

I'm not offering any answers. I'm not even sure what my questions are. My point (if there is one) is that there are a lot of words that are really, really strange if you stop to look at them closely. Maybe it's best if we don't.

The Soundtrack to my Life

I just saw this on my brother Russell's blog and figured that with the crazy, eclectic mix of music I have that it would be a crime against posterity not to participate.

What you do is this:
1:Open iTunes, or other music library, put it on shuffle, press play
2:For every question type the name of the song that is playing
3:When you go to a new question push next (or skip)
4:Don't lie to pretend you are cool

The Questions are as follows (my answers are in these())

Opening Credits:(Big Time)
Waking Up:(The Show Must Go On)
First Day at School:(Savage Blue Sky)
Falling in Love:(Meet Virginia)
Fight Song:(I Am...I Said)
Breaking up:(Songbird)
Prom:(Us and Them)
Life's Ok:(You Ain't Goin' Nowhere)
Mental Breakdown:(The Icicle Melts)
Driving:(Another Picture to Burn)
Flashback:(Subliminal)
Getting Back together:(Crowdpleaser)
Wedding:(What Do You Want From Me)
Birth of Child:(Proof)
Final Battle:(Pretty Fly For a Rabbi)
Death Scene:(Napule Ca Se Ne Va)
Funeral song:(All This Time)
End Credits:(Shine On You Crazy Diamond)

Stamps

Hey, it's been a little while since I last posted. It's not that I don't have anything to say, it's that I don't have anything GOOD to say. Life is pretty mundane sometimes and I'm sure nobody wants to waste time reading about which shows I watched on TV or how many crossword puzzled I did, even if I did them really well.

The only really big thing going on with us right now is that Annie and I have made the transition from passive letterboxers to active letterboxers. No longer do we just go out and find boxes other people have planted; we now plant our own boxes.

We're starting out small, though. We started with two boxes in Ophir, one at each end of town. You can read the clue here. You can even go out and try to find the boxes if you ever find yourself near Ophir. It's a long drive, but the stamps are pretty cool.

Next on the list: a series of Great Salt Lake themed letterboxes. I hate to reveal my plans, but we're planning to put that sailboat (below) near the marina, the seagull by Black Rock (west of the marina) and the picture of the old Saltair Pavillion somewhere--I can't remember where, but it'll come to me.

We'll probably have to wait for the snow to melt, but we'll get them planted.

These pictures also include other stamps I've carved but haven't yet found a home for. If you've got any ideas where they could go, let me know. And, if you haven't at least looked into finding some letterboxes, you should check out www.AtlasQuest.com or www.letterboxing.org. You'll be glad you did. Or, as Lavar Burton used to say on Reading Rainbow, "Don't take my word for it." But, I don't have a bunch of literate kids here to tell you what you're missing, but the websites will explain things...

Homers...

They may not be able to get married, but at least Twizzlers has them covered!

Oh, Please Be Careful

I understand that they were probably saying that foreign objects going down the toilet would have a good chance of plugging things up and would have to be removed manually, but this sign really conjures up images of a toilet attached to the center of a 2x12 laid over the top of a giant open septic pit. I also picture toxic green bubbles percolating at the bottom of the pit and noxious fumes rising in plumes from the abyss. It seems to suggest that actually using the toilet would require Indiana Jones-like skills to avoid adding too much weight to the potty pending perilously above the poisonous pit.

Fortunately it was much less sinister than that. Maybe I shouldn't have flushed down that kid's shoe I found in the parking lot...

Hey Man!

Everybody has a "Hey Man", don't they? I would assume so. I have several "Hey Men". This is not to be confused with a "Hay Man": the kind of guys who are suited for very little else besides standing in a field scaring birds away.

No, a "Hey Man" (I promise to stop using " " after I define the term) is that guy at work or at school that you don't really know, but for some reason, at some point in the past, one or both of you started saying "Hey" every time you passed each other in the hall. Sometimes it's not a formal "Hey", but rather just a nod or a head "up-jerk", or, in rare instances, just a mouth click with an awkward half-wink.

You can't even remember when you started saying Hey to the guy. It may not even be a guy, though it usually is. If you have a "Hey Woman" (it's a different term), and you're single, that can be a good thing (if she's also single). You can eventually work that Hey into a Howzitgoing?, which, over time, can lead to a Youbuzytonight? If you have a "Hey Woman" and you're married, or she's married and you're single, it can lead to some very awkward silences if you're ever stuck in an elevator together.

Was it you that initiated the Hey, or was it the other guy? You don't know. He doesn't know. Neither of you have any idea. You may have occasionally said more than Hey; that doesn't automatically advance the Hey Man into an "Acquaintance". Of course, you try to avoid any conversation longer than Hey, but occasionally you find yourself walking the same direction as your Hey Man. Usually, you're able to remember something you forgot to do back the way you came and you can avoid extending the conversation past Hey.

Sometimes, though, when you're just not on your game, or the group of people you're walking with suddenly dissolves into the surrounding cubicles and you find yourself alone with your Hey Man, you have to extend the conversation to the next level, which usually involves mention of some local sports team, unusual weather phenomena, or, if you're really lucky, a big news story like a tsunami or a hurricane.

However the conversation progresses, though, at your next meeting you once again become "Hey People".

It's possible to have multiple Hey Men. In fact, in larger offices, it's pretty common. If you have a well-established routine, you get thrown out of your groove when any of your Hey Men are on vacation or out sick. If you expect to say Hey to your "before-lunch" Hey Man, it can really ruin your lunch if he's not there, returning from the break room, holding his warm smelly soup in his old tupperware container.

Sometimes, a Hey Man will be unfamiliar with the unwritten rules of Hey Men (they may be unliterate (think about it)). Sometimes a Hey Man will try to engage in conversation, especially on elevators and other places where office workers tend to settle. A good Hey Man will be respectful and stare at the floor indicator (in an elevator), the microwave readout (in a room with a microwave), or just at the ceiling (anywhere else, or if the microwave isn't being used).

Yep, good Hey Men are hard to find. And sometimes, even after you've found a good Hey Man, your good Hey Man will turn to the dark side and start trying to converse. Maybe a mutual friend will introduce you, or he'll just have a sudden attack of loneliness. Nobody truly knows what turns a good Hey Man bad. But the question remains: how do you behave around a good Hey Man gone bad?

Your first instinct might be to just ignore the unwanted conversation, and for some Hey Men this can be effective. For others, it may cause them to get all sorts of disgruntled, and they might think that YOU're the one being rude, not realizing that THEY're the one disregarding centuries of unwritten Hey Man Comportment. Some people just don't like admitting they're wrong.

Your second instinct (can you really have a second instinct? It seems to me it would be more appropriate to say "Your second conditioned response") might be to confront the Hey Man. This must be handled delicately, and most people lack the skill to be able to pull off this conversation. Most people find that, with their failure to properly execute #2 (referring to the instinct or conditioned response, you sicko), they have to jump straight to #3, described below.

The third option, and typically the only one left to you, is to drastically change your daily routine. It's hard, but it can be done. It's usually best to do it after a long vacation, or an extended holiday season (there's one coming up, if you need to execute this option). You may need to change your work hours--that's the easiest. Just start your day 30 minutes earlier and you'll be 30 minutes early for every Hey Man encounter you used to have.

If changing your work schedule isn't an option, you may need to change your lunch habits--mayb start going out for lunch, or staying in for lunch if you currently go out. Again, it's a big change and may not always be 100% effective. Maybe your former Hey Man will change his schedule, too, in an attempt to avoid you (especially if you unsuccessfully executed a #2 (again, referring to the instinct)).

If all else fails, you may just have to find another job. A disgruntled Hey Man isn't likely to follow you to a new company. It sometimes happens, but not often.

Hopefully, this little guide will help you keep good relationships with all of your Hey Men (or Women). Remember: there are always options if your Hey Man goes bad. But be aware that if your current Hey Men start changing their schedules, going out for lunch, and terminating their employment, maybe YOU are the bad Hey Man.