Shirtless Working

Strange title, I know, but it's going to be a strange post.

As I was riding the elevator up to my desk today, I unzipped my coat. And as I was unzipping my coat, I wondered, "Am I wearing a shirt today?"

If you're wondering, yes I was (I was even if you weren't wondering), but it made me think back to all the times I've dreamed that I showed up to work or school without clothes on. Or at least dreamed about showing up without clothes on.

It's strange, isn't it? I mean, I've been an adult for at least 5 years now, and I still dream sometimes about showing up somewhere (usually school) without pants or a shirt. Sometimes without shoes, but that's not as big a deal.

Fortunately, every time I've arrived at work and been missing an article of clothing, I've woken up a few minutes later. But sometimes things will happen while at work that can be just embarassing.

The worst (okay, so it's not really the worst, but it was the first to pop into my head) is when you have a fabric softener sheet stuck to the inside of your shirt, especially if it's near the sleeve. You feel funny all day long, and smell spring fresh (which gets old after awhile). You start daydreaming of that stupid white teddybear and constantly grab at your arm to try to straighten your sleeve. It's annoying, but perhaps not embarassing.

The worst (okay, still maybe not the worst, but pretty bad) is when you sprout a hole in your sock. Faithful readers of my blog may remember the hole that opened up on my foot a couple years ago. You know, the one big enough that navy destroyers could get lost in it. That's pretty annoying, too.

The absolute worst (getting there) is when you rip the buttons off your shirt. Just another reason to not wear shirts with buttons, if you ask me. Once at Costco, while getting off the forklift, my shirt got caught on the lever and it ripped all but the top two buttons off and they scattered all over the loading dock. I could only find two of them. It's pretty embarassing to walk around holding your shirt closed around your body.

Even worse is when your belt breaks. It usually happens around the buckle. In the past I've had to hold my pants up with rope or paper clips. Then I decided to spend a little money and buy a belt that won't break. Best $100 I ever spent.

Even worse than that is when your pants rip. Yep. It may be the absolute worst thing that can happen. The only question about it is this: Is it better to know that your pants are ripped and worry about it all day, or is it better to not know and just find out about it that night when you get home. On the one hand, you worry all day long (or, if you're smart, you go home and change). The other way, maybe you end up mooning hundreds of people, but you only have a few moments of shame as the whole day passes quickly in front of your eyes, and all those funny comments people made all day suddenly make sense.

It's sort of like when your zipper's down (though this isn't nearly as bad as a pant rip). Do you want the embarassment of someone (sometimes a stranger) telling you your zipper's down, or do you prefer to just find out about it the next time you go to the bathroom. If someone tells you, you know that at least one person saw, but if you find out about it yourself, you're not sure if anyone saw or not. Maybe they didn't... Maybe they took pictures that will be posted on the break room fridge.

I guess the bottom line is that I'm wearing a shirt today. Although, secretly, I wish I wasn't so that there would at least be a chance that I'm really still in bed, minutes from waking up...