Yes, it's true, I'm a French Fry Racist. I don't like the black ones. Or the soggy ones. Or the ones that taste too much like potato.
Over the years I have eaten many french fries. Many many french fries. I've eaten so many french fries I'm surprised I haven't turned French (if I ate a lot of soy I'd be more likely to turn french, with all that extra estrogen). In fact, I would say that I'm a connoisseur of french fries. I'm rich with french fry knowledge.
As a result, I know a good french fry just by looking at it. There are some places that serve a higher percentage of "good" fries. McDonald's tops the list. There are times when I can eat a full 90% of the fries they serve. I've never eaten all of them, but pretty close.
Wendy's fries are too big around and don't go through the quality checks that McDonald's fries do. They're much more prone to being "bad". I can rarely eat even 50% of Wendy's fries.
Carl's Jr. has some pretty good fries, and they give you a lot of them. Every now and then you'll get a batch that's extra greasy. And you're out of luck if the fries are cold; they're only "good" for a short window of time.
Burger King has okay fries, but they lack taste. Arby's goes to too much trouble to make it obvious that their fries are made from potatoes, but forget to make them taste good. Artic Circle's fries are pretty good, but seem a little light sometimes.
Apollo/Crown/Astro have mediocre fries, but the excellent fry sauce makes up for it. You can cover up a lot of imperfections with fry sauce.
So what makes a good fry? What makes me a fry racist?
I don't like fries that are discolored in any way. If it has a black end it's not going in my mouth. If it looks like it was burned at any time during its production it's going to be left on the tray.
If a fry is too greasy, it's not for me. If it's shiny you just know it's going to taste like undercooked potato. If I wanted to eat potatoes I'd order potatoes.
I have no qualms about leaving a half order of fries on my tray. The food is there to serve me, not the other way around. I eat too much as it is, so it's good to be picky, right?
The silver lining of my fry-racist tendencies is that my wife LOVES the "friggers" (I can't call them that, can I?) If it's soft and greasy or brown and gooey she eats them righ up. We usually share a large order of fries. We're like Jack Sprat and his wife. Every food that I despise she loves. Even onions. She'll eat the onions right off my plate.
That's what marriage is for: to form a partnership that compensates for each person's weaknesses, whether those weaknesses be an aversion to eating onions or an inability to overcome my fry-racism (or fracism?)
Don't worry, though, I'm not planning to burn effigees of the FryGuys on the front lawn of the McDonald's anytime soon.
9 comments:
i'm pretty sure you just called me fat...thanks a lot! you do know that Jack Sprat could eat no fat and his wife could eat no lean!!!
friggers? seriously...that line you keep asking me about???? where do you come up with this stuff!
I too enjoy a good french fry. My top 3 are as follows:
1. Eat a Burger's Extra Spicy Fries
2. McDonald's Fries, but only if salty enough
3. In-n-out's
There is only 1 Eat a Burger left to my knowledge. Their spicy fries are freaking amazing. If you have not had them it is well worth going for some. They do have their ups and downs, but overall...dang
In-n-out's fries are nothing spectacular, but just knowing that they are fresh and never frozen makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
I'm going to have to smack you or something. First, apollo fries are freaking amazing, even without frysauce I imagine. Second, mcdonalds fries might have a higher success rate, but only because they're all average. And the aftertaste always tastes like cardboard. Third, umm, third, I wish there was something I could say about fried potatoes tasting like potatoes, but it's pretty self explanatory. Yeah, I can't remember the last time I didn't finish a full order of fries, or the last time I regretted it. yumm fries.
Because I am from Idaho, the original "spud sorter" that's right! I worked for Simplot Company, the place where McDonald's gets a majority of there fries and various other potato product. I sorted fries for a few months and know first hand that those quality inspections are rigged. There were people on the sort line spitting, dropping hair, and who knows what else. McDonald's fries are crap. All potato's are, except a good red potato.
I'm pretty sure you called Annie "fat" too. But I really enjoyed your analogy here. I'm not quite the conissuer of fries as you are but I'm glad you laid it all out there for me. Annie likes friggers huh? Who knew?
I have to agree with cheesecake, mcdonalds fries are the very worst, they don't even resemble fries, it's the same generic flavor that consumes all of mccrappies food. I love apollos fries as well, never had to turn one of them down. Wendy's does have a lot of burnt ones and rubbery ones, but on the whole they make the fry that tastes like a fried potato (which is a good thing). I figure if I want a fry that tastes like vegetable oil, or canola oil, I'll just drink canola oil, give me a potato!
I will tell you all a secret. If you want a good french fry that doesn't taste like cardboard, but also doesn't taste like potatoe, you must go to Idaho. Period. No content. No ifs ands or butts. It's a state full of freaking crazies, but they make an awesome french fry.
I, like Robert, must eat every last fry. How can you pass them up? The crispy ones are good because they're crispy, the soggy ones are great because they're soggy.
Marriage is great for getting rid of unwanted food, like soggy fries. But I have found this can work a different way, too. For instance, Dave loves tomatoes. I also like tomatoes, but since I know he loves them, I always give mine to him if I can. I don't know how long it's been since I got the extra helping of tomatoes, even though I like them. Hmm... what was I saying? Oh yeah, I can't believe you, Dan, have actually left fries on the tray. It boggles the mind.
I wouldn't say you call anyone "fat"......BUT I think you should give you wife a foot rub! And if Annie eats onions off that plate that a step up for her, because she would never eat a tomato off the plate!
I think you should get a tatoo of the fry guys.....McD's is the best.
Mike
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