Wipeout!

For the first time in years (yes, years) I'm excited about a new television show. I might have to rearrange my schedule to view it every week. Of course, I haven't even seen it yet, so to make such claims now would be premature. It could be the stupidest show on TV; it's hard to tell at this point. But, regardless of how the show is, right now I'm excited.

The show is Wipeout. Stupid name, I know. It's patterned after the Spike Channel show "Most Extreme Elimination Challenge" (or MXC for short). MXC was created from footage of Takeshi's Castle, a Japanese game show from the 80's. They took the footage, dubbed english over it (I doubt it was a translation), and put it on the air.

If this new show is anywhere near as funny as the original (which is actually the old Japanese show) I'll be in heaven.

It looks like the Wipeout show is designed more with safety in mind. Instead of giant wooden rollers that people run across, they now have to run across giant bouncy balls. Hopefully just as funny, and a lot safer.

The show is on at 7:00pm tonight, followed at 8:00pm by "I Survived a Japanese Game Show". I know less about that show, but from what I can tell they signed people up for what they thought was a "normal" show, then flew them to Japan and made them compete in a variety of strange shows over there. It looks more "reality"-based, but still looks pretty funny.

Anyway, my evening is planned. I would encourage you to watch. If it turns out that both shows are really stupid and not funny (something can be stupid as long as it's funny) you can blame me for wasting 2 hours of your life. But, on the other hand, if you enjoy the shows and have to watch them each week all summer, you can blame me for wasting 48 hours of your life, I guess.

Staying Busy

Well, this last month has been really busy for us, and there's no indication that things will let up anytime soon.

Mixed in with the work and stress, though, we've found time to do some fun things. For example, we recently went to Lagoon (it's where the fun is, after all) and had a good day. I took a day off work and we rode every ride they'd let us ride--some twice!

Of all the unnecessary signs I've seen in my life, this one might take the top award for being unnecessary. Would anyone really sit on that fence anyway?

We also went camping for a few days last week or so (the weeks all seem to run together). It was a lot of fun to get away and have an opportunity to relax.


This morning I went and helped our Elder's Quorum chop down a really big tree. I'm not sure whether to put this in the "fun" category or the "work" category, because it was a lot of hard work, but it was really fun to watch the tree come down a piece at a time.

Among the other happenings lately: I've submitted my application for my Appraiser's License. It could still be months before I get it, but at least everything's turned in and it's out of my hands. When (and if) they approve my application, I'll have to take a test (6 hours long, from what I hear) to get the license. It's worth the trouble, though: it comes with a 5.5% raise.

On our various trips we've been able to find more letterboxes. Our total is up to 9. That doesn't sound like very many, and it's really not, but we're just getting started.

Maybe we'll be able to find some letterboxes on our trip to St.George in a couple weeks. Why on earth are we going to St. George in the middle of the summer? Are we insane? Probably, but we're going to the Tuacahn Amphitheatre to see Les Miserables. I guess you could call it our Anniversary Celebration (a couple weeks late).

Well, those are the fun things going on for us right now. I won't bore you with the rest. Oh yeah! I caught my first fish last night. I let him go before taking a picture, but my hands still smell like trout if you don't believe me.

BMI

I've always been a critic of the government's classification for recommended weight. Well, okay, fine, I've always been a critic of just about anything the government does. But specifically about weight.

What the government doesn't tell you when they say "twice as many Americans are overweight today than five years ago" what they fail to mention is the main factor in that change is that the government CHANGED THEIR CLASSIFICATION OF WHAT MAKES SOMEONE OVERWEIGHT. It's not just that people suddenly plumped up, it's because the rules changed.

They do the same thing with poverty rates. If they want to reduce the rate of poverty in the country, they change the definition of what qualifies someone to be "in poverty". With the stroke of a pen they can eradicate "poverty" across the country.

Now, I'm not saying that I'm not overweight; I would love to lose about 40 more pounds. All I'm saying is that the government's expectations of what I should weigh are completely unreasonable.

The measure that the government uses to determine overweightiness is a little thing called BMI (Body Mass Index). For me, with a weight of 300 and a height of 77 inches, I have a BMI of 35.6, well into the obese category. That's right, obese!

In order for me to be considered simply "overweight" I would need to drop 50 pounds. Yes, 50! For a man of my height, I would need to weigh 250 pounds to be at the TOP range of "overweight".

Guess how much weight I would have to lose to sneak into the "normal" category. You guessed it: 90 pounds! I would have to shed 30% of my current body weight to be at the high end of "normal".

It gets better! For me to be at the lower end of "Normal" (the least I could weight without being "underweight") I would have to lose 144 pounds. That's 48% of my body weight. I would have to hack off at least one of my legs (and have most of my organs harvested) to EVER achieve a 48% weight loss.

The reason I bring this all up is because I wanted to post that picture above, and couldn't find a better way of doing it. That may or may not be me laying on the rock (for legal purposes, I cannot confirm or deny that). But, if that were me, I would have to say at the time that picture was taken, I weighed right near 230 pounds.

In the picture, I (or whoever it is) have no fat on me whatsoever. Not a gram. My belly's flat, my legs are chickenish; I don't even have enough muscle on my arms to pluck a chicken.

So, if that represents the lower end of a healthy weight for me (supposing that's me or at least someone of my same build), how on earth would I lose an additional 80 pounds and still be alive?

Again, I admit I could lose some weight, but to ever weigh less than 250 I'd have to start hacking off limbs. It's about time the politicians in this country made a meaningful attempt to reduce the obesity in this country, and I'd say the best way to do that is to change the definition!

Words

I' ve always been somewhat fascinated by words. Yes, you heard me: words. It's amazing how one person can make certain sounds, and other people can interpret those sounds to mean something. Isn't that weird?

There's power in words; the sounds that make up words have meaning in and of themselves. This may be a little deep for a Monday afternoon, I admit, but isn't anyone else fascinated by words and sounds?

Okay, fine, so it's just me. But since this is my blog and not your blog I'm going to just keep talking.

First of all, I have to say that "Hobo" is one of my favorite words. Hobo. Isn't that funny? There's so much meaning tied up in those two syllables. You could say the word to someone who's never heard it before and they'd know what you were talking about. They would, I promise!

Growing up, I was always reluctant to use a word or phrase for which I didn't know the meaning. That left me with very few words to choose from, but I very seldom used words incorrectly (people who knew me may disagree, but that's how I choose to remember my childhood).

I specifically remember a time in the third grade, Mrs. Atkinson's class (I can still remember where the room was in the school, how it was set up, and where I sat in the room, but that's fodder for another post), we learned to word "Bashful". Well, actually, the rest of the class learned the word as I was daydreaming.

The teacher roused me from my daydream as she presented me as an example of someone who is bashful, and I had no idea what she was talking about. And, as it turned out, after they taught each word they didn't bother teaching them again. For over 2 years I wondered what it was that the teacher thought I was (and that the class had so whole-heartedly agreed to).

Not that that story has anything to do with what I want to talk about, but it felt good to talk about it.

No, the real point of this post is to discuss words. Most nights before bed I do a crossword puzzle or two, and I'm amazed at the images each word puts into my mind.

There's a Far Side cartoon where a man, a cat, and a dog all reach for a ball in the middle of the room and their heads touch. The original captions reads, "Simultaneously all three went for the ball, and the coconut-like sound of their heads hitting secretly delighted the bird." Gary Larson says that he soon received a letter from a reader saying that the word "colliding" would be more appropriate, and he subsequently changed it. Isn't that a much better word? "Hitting" and "colliding" both mean the same thing, don't they? So why is "colliding" so much better?

There's a website (I know, there's always a website) that I enjoy reading from time to time. The guy who runs it studies words (and phrases) and where they come from and what they mean. Some of the explanations are pretty boring, but some are pretty interesting. He also weeds out the improper spellings and uses of the words.

Some words and phrases that I'd always sort of wondered about (and have subsequently been hesitant to use in conversation) are:

• "For Pete's Sake"
• "Kitty Corner"
• "Mind your Ps and Qs"

There are, of course, many many others, but that's all I could find in the short time I had to look.

It really is a site worth checking out. If you've missed the links, you can access it by clicking here.

PS - Though not related to that site, I've found a couple words to be funny. One is "Shutters". You just think "shutters" is a name for what they are, don't you? No, it's because they can be shut. They shut. Shutters. How about that.

"Movie" is a similar word. You just think that's what they're called, don't you? You go watch a movie, you rent a movie. You don't realize they're called "movies" because the pictures "move", do you? It's like the "talkies" from years ago. Strange, isn't it? (Was I the last person to realize that that's where the word "movie" comes from?)

Socks

This really sucks... or does it sock? As I got to work today I felt something funny in my shoe. It felt like there was a small, flat rock, or that there was a flap of the insole that had flipped over and was rubbing on my foot funny.

I took off my shoe and shook it, but nothing came out. I reached into my shoe, but nothing was askew. Then I thought maybe there was something stuck to the bottom of my sock; a sticker or a piece of gum or something...

Yes, you're listening to a guy who took 5 minutes to figure out he had a hole in his sock. And not just a little hole, a BIG hole! Look at that thing!

But that wasn't the worst part of it. The worst part of it was that, as reality donned on me, I looked at the lower-right corner of my computer screen and noticed it was only 7:35...

All day! I had to spend all day with a hole in my sock. I couldn't take my shoes off and walk around the office like I usually do. And, above all else, it just felt funny.

And that's what I'd like to talk about: things that throw you off just a little bit; things that, in and of themselves aren't a big deal, but for some reason they ruin your whole day.

Among those things are:

• A hole in your sock (obviously)
• A missing button on your shirt (especially if you find the button, but there's absolutely nothing you can do to put it back on until the end of the day. One time I lost 5 of them at work. It sucked (or socked). Your only hope is to find a stapler.)
• A fabric softener sheet inside your shirt sleeve. This one can drive you nuts; it just feels like your sleeve isn't sitting right. And, inexplicably, you spend the whole day thinking of that white teddy bear on the downy commercials).
• Discovering you're wearing socks that don't match. This is much worse than the hole in the sock; you can hide a hole.
• A big zit on your nose (or anywhere on your face, really) that nobody else even notices but you think everyone's staring at it.
• A stain on your shirt (I like that commercial where the guy's at a job interview and every time he tries to talk the stain on his shirt starts jabbering).
• Pants that are too short for you and don't cover your ankles. The whole day you try to scoot your pants down lower on your hips, but then you have to pull them up whenever you sit down so they don't rip, which brings up the next:
• Ripping your pants when you're far away from any "replacement" pants, and you have nothing to cover yourself with. (This happened once on my mission at a member's house, about an hour from our apartment. And it wasn't a small rip, it was from one corner to the other of my vertical smile.)
• Missing a spot shaving (this is especially bad when you only shave once a week; that one strip of 1/4in long hair really sticks out, and plucking them one by one just isn't an option (this is why I now have a razor at work.))

Anyway, this list is in no way comprehensive. Feel free to add your own experiences of things that have thrown you off your game. These things happen to everyone, and you might as well laugh at your experiences. Well, at least the rest of us might as well laugh at your experiences.

PS - Annie wants to make sure I let everyone know that we bought a bunch of new socks a few weeks back, and that I don't typically walk around with holey socks.

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The Wheels on the Bus

All through the week I come up with great little one-liners to post on here, but whenever I sit down to write them, they're gone. I need to start writing them down. Of course, I've done that, too, and usually when I re-read the ideas later, they're not nearly as funny as they were when I first had them. So, lucky you, reader, you get left with those few things that I can remember.

Last week--in fact a week ago today--I decided to exercise my first amendment right to voice my opinion. I don't like to be the guy who squeaks, but I sent an e-mail to UTA; you know, the bus and train people. On the bus I take in the morning there are about 50 people who ride every day, which, as you can imagine, fills up a bus pretty well. Your imagination's right; the bus is packed!

But, for the two years I've been riding the bus, we've been getting a long (articulated) bus that holds a lot more people (though it's still not much more comfortable). It used to be that every now and then they'd give us a short (regular) bus and it wasn't a great big deal. In May, though, they started giving us the short bus all the time, occasionally sending a long one.

Well, that got old pretty quick, and I finally hit my breaking point last week when there were people standing in the aisle for the 45 minute trip into Salt Lake.

So I sent an e-mail. It was a lot more polite than I intended it to be, and pretty well thought out. I didn't expect anything to come of it (and I may still be right), but today was the first day since sending the e-mail that we got a short bus. Sure, that's only 4 days of long bus heaven, but it's 4 more days than any of us expected.

Maybe it pays to be a little squeaky sometimes.

This may be a little off topic, but important nonetheless (I love words that are really just lots of other words put together):

Why is it so hard to control what we eat? Maybe if all food tasted bad we wouldn't care so much. We'd just force ourselves to eat enough to survive. That's what New York City's trying to accomplish with all its food bans (which is a rant for another day).

Whenever I feel like eating a snack at work, it's never the fruit bowl they sell downstairs that I buy. Sometimes it's a granola bar, which is healthy...except that I usually eat two!

Regardless, whenever I eat something I know I shouldn't, this song pops into my head. (If you missed the link there, try this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSUh2b1ufi4 )

It pretty much sums up my food behavior, except that I don't ever really eat healthy... So, really, for me, it would be like eating bad things, but then sneaking around to eat worse things. Oh well.

Nerds

So I've been thinking for a couple months now about nerds. No, not the candy that my wife loves and that once broke one of my teeth. I'm talking about people. You know the type of person I'm talking about; guys (almost always) who care more about "nerdy" things than they do about personal hygiene and other peoples' perception of them.

I'm not here to mock them, or put them down, or anything like that. I'm just trying to understand what makes a person a nerd. Is it something you're born with, or is it a result of your environment? Is it the friends you hang out with? certain aptitudes that you possess? Or is it a choice that you made at some point in your life to become a nerd?

I don't know the answers. Heck, I'm having a hard time coming up with the right questions. It's a question that's been perplexing me for some time, and I'll tell you why: I am a closet nerd. At least I think I am. But, in our society, is it what I think I am, or what other people think I am that counts?

Some people know that they're nerds, and are okay with it. Some even sing about it. Some make a lot of money because of it. Has society changed to become more accepting of nerds?

To know if I truly am a nerd as I fear, I've tried to find out what defines a nerd? Here's what I've come up with (from Wikipedia):

• The stereotypical nerd is intelligent but socially and physically awkward.
• They typically appear either to lack confidence or to be indifferent or oblivious to the negative perceptions held of them by others.
• Some nerds show a pronounced interest in subjects which others tend to find dull or complex and difficult to comprehend.
• On the opposite end of the spectrum, nerds may show an interest in activities that are viewed by their peers as immature for their age.
• Nerds are often portrayed as unfit and either obese or very thin.
• Nerds are also sometimes portrayed as having symptoms of obsessive-compulsive disorder, such as by showing an extreme devotion to following rules.

To quote Phil Connors in Groundhog Day, "That's me... Me, me, me... Me also... This is a man, right?"

The qualities are all there, in differing amounts, aren't they? Growing up, I always thought I was headed toward "nerddom", but, either I dodged a bullet, or I'm completely oblivious to the fact that I am, indeed, a nerd.

Despite my nerd-leaning tendencies, I don't consider myself a nerd. Maybe it's because I'm too busy being a normal person to indulge in nerd behavior. Perhaps, between high school (when I truly was a nerd, or at least a nerd in embryo) and when I got married, I worked so hard at not acting like a nerd to be able to attract a mate that I got out of the nerd "habit". Then, by the time I was married and could act like a nerd again, it was too hard to change back.

Maybe if I'd found a mate sooner, I would have found it easier to revert back to my old nerdy ways. Or, if Annie hadn't taken pity on me and overlooked all my faults (including the latent nerdiness) I would be a full-blown nerd today. That seems pretty likely.

So, I guess it comes back to the question from above: Is it what I think I am or what other people think I am that counts? I'd ask for a vote of what other people think I am, but I'm afraid of the results, so I guess that that confirms that it's only what I think that matters (well, and it matters what Annie thinks; but whether she thinks I'm a nerd or not, she's obviously okay with it).

So, since nobody else's opinion matters (except Annie's who has already promised to accept me as I am), my self-assessment is: I'm normal, but only 2 or 3 episodes of Star Trek from becoming a nerd.